1. The $2,000 water softener unit that sits in the garage and underneath my room, sounds like a Boeing 747 when it decides to do its thing. I am clueless as to what it's thing is, but it jolts me awake at 2:00 a.m. and causes the hair on my arms to stand on end and makes my extremities feel like every nerve ending in them is standing at attention. (Is this what an adrenaline rush feels like?! Who knew?!)
2. The growling puppy who thinks she's protecting me from a Boeing 747 crashing through the bedroom and then proudly determines that her ten pounds of growling, fluffy, fury has diverted a catastrophe, decides she now has to go outside and tinkle.
3. Darth Vader who awakens slightly when the puppy and I return to the bed and groggily decides that he no longer needs the Vader sleep mask which keeps him from snoring like a coal powered freight train and then proceeds to snore like a coal powered freight train.
4. The uneasy (and paranoid) feeling that the reason the puppy is not going back to sleep and is standing en pointe on the edge of the bed is because bad Ninjas have invaded my home and the noise in the garage wasn't the $2,000 Boeing 747 water softening unit at all, but the sound of my flat screen t.v. being Ninja'd out the door and into a windowless, unmarked van. (Sleep deprivation is used as a form of TORTURE you know.)
5. The oh so detailed dreams about my Bloggy Friend in Germany in which I visit her and she takes me on a walk through a war zone, only to return to her countryside home where we cook in the kitchen with her two sisters and I finally meet her husband who is wearing overalls and making applesauce ("You like cinnamon in yours, right?) She offers me pink homemade candy coated pretzels and inquires about my net worth. (Forgive me, Angela...I'm delirious.)
6. The banging and slamming of doors and closets as Snotty prepares herself for her 8th grade promotion ceremony. I roll over and look at the alarm which I've set for 6:15 a.m. The clock tells me it is 5:45 a.m.
7. The sound of the screaming in my own head.
8. The sound of my own voice, very much NOT in my own head this time, saying, "SCREW IT!"