Dans les livres je trouve le refuge

My life is better because John Steinbeck chose to become a writer and filled my mind with images both sad and beautiful. He took me along on his journey with Charley, and I'm the richer for it. It is better because Holden Caufield told me his story and I sat and nodded, "Yes! I understand!" and laughed 'til I cried. My life is better because Ray Bradbury writes in such vivid prose it makes my brain whirl almost uncontrollably and I ache with awe because my writing will never come close to reaching the heights of his.

Anna Karenina shared her heartache with me and I am grateful. Dalton Trumbow taught me that peace is better than war any day and made up my mind for me that I would always stand on the side of peace. I owe a debt of gratitude to Mark Twain for allowing me to read his Letters From the Earth. They made me begin to question the absurdities and to begin the quest for my own answers. To Hermann Hesse I am indebted for introducing me to Siddhartha, who led me down the path of peace. Gavin Harrison has a piece of my heart for sharing his journey with me and for helping me learn to sit In the Lap of the Buddha.

To Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins and Sam Harris...thank you all. I'm dumbfounded by your intellect and your ability to convey your beliefs in a way that leaves little, if no room for fairytales.

To Vonnegut, Orwell, Lewis, Golding, Lee, Hemingway, Huxley, Faulkner, Sinclair and the rest...I owe you all. Your words were my refuge when my childhood was just too much to bear. You unwittingly created my escape and set my imagination free.

"The book to read is not the one which thinks for you,but the one which makes you think."

Inauguration Exhilaration

Tomorrow, I will hopefully be able to stop holding my breath. I have a tendency to not breathe out when I'm experiencing anxiety of any sort. It's shocking I'm not dead yet.

The election of Barack Obama made my heart grow ten sizes with love for all of those like me who sought change and voted for it.

Although elated since his election, I've been walking around with breath held and one eye closed. It's fear that's doing me in. I know first hand the hatred that hides in the hearts of so many people in this country and those people frighten me. Whether they be the politically far "right", the overzealous ultra-religious fanatics who would gladly kill or be killed if their god "spoke" to them to tell them it was necessary, or just those who are so twisted inside that they loathe those who are of a different race, sexual orientation or culture than they.

It is a fervent hope of mine that our new president and his family will be protected by those enlisted to keep them safe. I hope, I hope.

As I listened to the pre-Inauguration music and speeches the other day, I was inspired and moved. I love reading and studying the history of our country and it always pulls at my heartstrings a bit to hear excerpts of speeches from the past great leaders of this country. Our new president inspires me to do more and be more. For the first time in years, I have hope that positive changes can and will come to this nation.

I am a mish-mash of Americana. My father is part Cherokee and raised me with a deep respect for the Earth. I suppose I owe my tree-hugging ways to him. I have studied Tibetan Buddhism for several years and have developed a love of many of its philosophies. I truly feel the connection between myself and my fellow man. I know that this world cannot survive in "Me" mode. I know that I must always strive to lift up my brothers and sisters in any way I can, big or small.

As we begin a new chapter in America, I hope that more and more people will begin to see that we cannot be the greatest country on Earth while we have children across our nation that are starving. And although our jobs might currently be secure, we need to be supporting those efforts by our leaders to create jobs for those who have been left jobless. We need to see that by helping each and every citizen in this country, we help ourselves.

I pledge to our new president to not throw my hands in the air if the promises of his campaign have to shift and change. Priorities sometimes have to be re-prioritized. This country is in a real fix right now and I don't expect that what might have been true or possible a year ago or six months ago or even two months ago is still realistic. I'm only an amateur history buff, but I can't think of any president in my lifetime who has been able to fulfill all of his campaign promises. It's the nature of the beast.

I'm just going to hope, like I have with all of the president's who have served during my voting history, that President Obama will keep We the People close to his heart while he serves and that he will do his very best to truly be a servant of the People.

I'm with you, Mr. President. Peace and love, Brother. Peace and love.

Forward

I did it. I cut myself off from Myspace & Facebook. It was so easy. A couple of clicks, some begging to stay from the respective life sucking sites and, bam! No more Myspace or Facebook. So, onward and forward.

Yesterday I had an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon to go over my latest x-rays of my shoulder and hip. The prognosis on my hip is that it most likely will always pop and sound like a ratchet and that I will most likely never be able to do any activities that create impact on my hip/pelvic area. It doesn't bother me much, but occasionally I do have a flare up and have to take anti-inflammatory medication to ease the discomfort. Apparently, this will always be the case, so que sera, sera.

My shoulder is another story. I have a metal plate, four screws and some wire attached to my clavicle. The purpose of all of the hardware was to help my bones fuse back together. Sometimes the bones fuse first and sometimes the hardware fails first. The latter has happened. Two of the screws are wiggling around and creating "erosion" in my bone and muscle. My doctor wants to take out all of the hardware, saw down the bone a little, and see if the bone will finish healing itself. Right now, the hardware is actually impeding the rest of the healing process. According to him, this is the simplest surgery to try to resolve the problems I've been having. If this surgery doesn't work, there's another one he can do, but it's much more complicated and involves more hardware. So, we've opted for starting simple and working our way from there. Under the knife I go...again. I have mixed feelings. I cringe at another surgery, but the hope that I could feel better and possibly look better propel me forward.
January is almost halfway over and I have no idea where it's gone. This blows. The crazy phenomenon of time seeming to pass faster as you get older is just too much for my tiny little mind to grasp. It is however, a motivating force to get things done now as opposed to later, which may never come, or come way too fast.There are some things I just seem to keep putting off. When it's time for me to make my final exit, I don't want my final thoughts to be, "I wish I would have...." Maybe they will be anyway. I don't know. But, I do know that I want to move forward in my life with purpose and accomplish those things that are important to me.

Cyber Withdrawal

Yesterday I posted notices on both my Facebook account and Myspace that I was going to cancel the accounts by the end of the week. I've been having second thoughts for the past 24 hours. Aaaaagggghhhhh!!!!!

So, here's the deal. After I finished writing the Joie de Vivre blog, I was doing some heavy duty brain work on the subject of happiness. I've definitely nailed down the fact that since our move to Arizona, I've been very unhappy. Besides the obvious issues of selling my beautiful first home, moving 1,000 miles away from all of my friends and family and the fact that Queen Creek is very possibly the ugliest smelliest place on Earth, I've been trying to really get a grip on why my happiness factor has dwindled so dramatically since we've been here.

Then, "BLING!" My inner light bulb went off.

Let me see if I can explain this without sounding completely brain damaged. Okay...one of my issues since moving here has been that I feel very isolated. Queen Creek is in the desert. Some brilliant yahoo got the idea a couple of years ago to turn it into the new, latest and greatest area to develop. Up go the houses and the beginnings of retail centers and down goes the economy. Now Queen Creek is this brand new town sitting in the desert, 20 minutes from anything, and an hour from anything good. So you see, the isolation complaint is not just an empty one.

But here's the thing. The isolation is more than geographic. It's an emotional and mental isolation as well.

One of the things that I've been doing much more since moving here is hanging out on Myspace and Facebook. Myspace is more of a blogging sight and is like e-mail on acid. You can easily post albums of photos and you can also just send quick "comments" to people instead of writing a full e-mail. I've had a MySpace account for about three years and for the most part have really enjoyed it. Through MySpace I reconnected with my best friend from years ago, met a new friend and maintained that relationship, and reconnected with a sister I hadn't seen or heard from in years. So, Myspace has been pretty decent. Then I got started on Facebook at the request of a friend.

Facebook is like crack. It's a quick "fix." There is no blogging, only "status updates" such as "Amy Is...." and then you fill in the rest. It shows how long ago you posted, which ends up putting some strange pressure on you to update your status. You can send private messages or e-mails to people, but the most common way to communicate is by writing on some one's "wall". You're basically just making a quick comment to them and they can quickly comment to you or on things you've posted. You're constantly being notified that you have new comments or that someone else has commented on one of your friend's posts. It's crazy. There are also "applications" that can be run like "poking" someone (not what you think, and not nearly as fun), throwing snowballs, passing a drink, etc. After about a week, I started hitting the "ignore" button on those. Anyway, the one cool thing about Facebook is that it enables you to connect to TONS of people and not just random people. It FINDS people you know for you based on your profile (scary....). In the past month, it found close to twenty people I went to school with and I've been in touch with most of them.

"Cool!" you say? Well, yes. I was really happy to be in contact with a few of those people. But here's the rub. You find yourself having these very brief "sound bite" type of conversations with people. With the exception of the initial catch up conversation of "How are you?! What have you been doing for the past twenty years?!" most of your communication is just these brief little comments. You find yourself checking the site constantly to see if there are any updates or notifications that someone has left a comment for you. Although you are an adult with a life, you end up kind of feeling like you're a kid in high school again, waiting for the In Crowd to acknowledge you and accept you.

Do you remember when e-mail came about? It was the most killer technology! You could instantly send a message to someone and get a reply, lickety-split. You could attach pictures and files and it was phenomenal. Then along came MySpace and Facebook and Skype and Twitter, etc. Now there are all of these sites that allow you to "converse" in lightening speed. There's not even a real thought process to it. Unlike sitting and writing an e-mail to someone and thinking about what you want to say and how to word things to convey your thoughts, these other websites simply let you say, "Hey! What's up?" and get a reply of, "Not much. Just waiting for work to be over so I can chill." (You'd be amazed at how many people are doing this stuff from work. Seriously.)

Are you getting my point here? These "relationships" aren't real. They're just very superficial quick fixes. They're relationship placebos. Yes, it's lovely to reconnect with old friends, but it's also a very hollow feeling. These people are spread out all over the U.S. and the chances we'll be having dinner or playing Scrabble together any time soon are almost nil. There are a handful of people I'd like to stay in contact with. I'm hoping those people will stay in touch via that old-fashioned technology, e-mail.

As I contemplated my overall happiness, I realized that the time I'm spending on MySpace and Facebook isn't time well spent. It hasn't contributed to my overall happiness. It might have actually done the opposite. Those people I was connecting with online weren't people who were going to have the ability to actually be a part of my life. They would always be cyber-relationships. A large contributor to my unhappiness in Arizona has been my inability thus far to find people to connect with. Real people. People I can call and meet for lunch and people who we can invite over for dinner and talk to and laugh with. Those are the relationships I need and want in my life right now and I need to be spending my time seeking those out instead of sitting behind a computer.

A few people on Facebook & MySpace have posted comments about my leaving. Sweet. I hope they can find the time to send me an e-mail now and then. I'd love to hear from them.

In the meantime, I'm going to keep blogging because it's my way of journaling. I get to sit and write, which I love to do, and then hit a button that sends my thoughts into cyberspace. That was the whole intent behind me starting a blog in the first place. Just to have a forum to empty the thoughts out my head. It gets mighty congested in there sometimes.

So now I have to make the move from behind the computer and out into the real world and seek out the freaks and the geeks like me. No small challenge, I assure you.

Joie de Vivre

I resolved a while back not to make new year's resolutions. It's one resolution I've been able to keep.

This year I've chosen a theme instead. This is "The Year of Finding My Joy."

For the past year or so, for whatever reasons, I've been finding myself being less and less happy. I'm less interested in doing things I used to enjoy. I no longer find satisfaction in doing things that used to make me feel so content. Somewhere along the way, Joy has left and been replaced with Melancholy and Ambivalence.

Several years ago I spent about eight months going to a Buddhist therapist. It was one of the best things I ever did in my life. Every month, sometimes every week, I experienced epiphany after epiphany. I reached mental clarity for the first time in my life. Those months helped me have the strength to file for divorce to end a marriage that was toxic and dangerous. I learned so much about myself during those months of therapy and was able to alter my own behaviors and achieve a level of contentment and inner joy I'd never felt before. Those lessons stayed with me for a long time.

In the past year or so, a great many things have changed in my life. I've experienced several events which are considered "most stressful life events" according to mental health professionals. I don't know how much those things have and are affecting me, but I think maybe more than I've been willing to admit. I've also found myself having difficulty coping and remembering those lessons I learned in therapy that helped me through such a dark time in my life.

So, I need to find my Joy again. I'm driving myself crazy and I'm sure my husband wouldn't mind having his wife back.

Yesterday I met a friend for lunch. She has a new baby and she's kind enough to let me man-handle the child to my heart's content. As I sat talking to my friend, I held her tiny daughter and gently rocked her in one arm, holding her up close to me. Within a minute or two, little Gabby was asleep and completely at peace. So was I. I had arrived at lunch upset because I was late...again, and for a totally stupid self-imposed reason. Even though I adore my friend, because of the way I've been feeling lately, I wasn't completely excited about spending time with someone in the mood I was in. Anyway, as I sat there with Gabby in my arms, I was happy. My mood lightened and in that moment, I caught a glimpse of Joy.

Do I want to have a baby? Ummmm..NO. What I want is to be able to hold on to that ability to experience happiness and contentment even when the world seems to be in more chaos than I've ever known in my lifetime. When I looked at Gabby, I recognized Joy. I want to be able to recognize it in more aspects of my daily life, and when I do see it there, have the ability to hold it in my hand, turn it over and really see it.

Right now, the list of things I'm disappointed in and that I'm sad about comes more quickly to my head than the things I'm grateful for and happy about. This sucks.

So, here's to The Year of Finding My Joy. May I choose to find it everywhere.

...the kind you don't take home to muth-a...

I was talking to a friend today and we both agree that as we ripen...ahem...that we seem to like people in general, less and less. Couple this with what my husband says to me: "You're SO....dramatic," and you've quite the combo.

Although I consider myself a pretty happy person, I also find that a lot of stuff really pisses me off. It's not the kind of stuff that is life altering in any way...mostly. It's basically stuff that just gives me a reason to get my feathers in a ruffle and get my eyes seriously rolling.

For the sake of this particular blog, I will omit the things that REALLY get me riled. Even without them, you will indeed find that I am a super freak.

1. When someone says, "Love you!" my skin crawls. To me, that phrase stinks of insincerity. If you can't muster up an "I" in front of it, don't even bother. Leaving out the PERSONAL pronoun in front of the phrase makes it impersonal. (I promise I won't be offended if you tell me, "I really think you're neat" instead of telling me, "love you." I'm most likely not that crazy about you either.)

2. When someone says, "Have a good one!" I want to smack them. Hard. What is this phrase supposed to mean? I'm pretty sure this phrase was coined by people in retail who start their day at 8:00 a.m. and end it at 6:00 p.m. If they say, "Have a good one!" they don't have to damage precious brain cells by actually knowing what time of day it is. Again, this reeks of insincerity. Either tell me to have a nice day or to kiss your ass. Pick one. To me, they're the same.

3. When I read that a person is suing an airline for booting them off the plane for not purchasing two tickets when they clearly take up two seats, I freaking lose my mind. The math here is elementary. I've traveled with a small child who didn't even take up half a seat and I had to pay for the whole seat. If your ass takes up your seat and part of another, you're taking up two seats. Therefore, you owe the airline for both. This is not rocket science. Don't waste our time and money by suing the airline. Sue Hostess instead.

4. I yell at the phone every time I am requested to "press 1 for English." Ummm...I don't THINK so, Asshole. If I am an American citizen living IN America, English should be the friggin default on everything. I shouldn't have to select English as my language at the ATM or at the grocery store checkout stand. My can of Green Giant green beans should also not say, "frijoles verde" on them. When did the goddamn jolly green giant become Hispanic? Look...I have no problem whatsoever with anyone wanting to live in America. My problem is with those who seek to live here without the obligation and honor of citizenship. If you want to enjoy all that this country has to offer, then come here and become an American. Americans speak English (or at least a butchered form thereof). Don't make me have to press freakin' 1 for English. I will FLIP out on your ass. (Okay...this is one of the things that really gets me riled.)

5. I love barbecue pork rinds. This is disgusting and wrong but I'm perfectly fine with it.

6. Motorcycle operators who feel that they are above the law and who are also perfectly willing to risk their lives AND mine on the highway, not only scare the shit out of me, they piss me off. If you're on a piece of steel 1/8 the size of the piece of steel I'm riding in and you are traveling at 80 m.p.h. on a highway that has a speed limit of 65 m.p.h., you are putting yourself and me at risk. You put us both at greater risk if you are weaving between lanes of traffic without using your turn signal. I know that you're a super cool bad ass that is in an obvious hurry because your Viagra didn't wear off after 6 hours and you're on your way to the e.r. but please...if you don't value your own life, at least consider mine and those of the children riding in my car. Idiot.

7. When I was pregnant and the general population decided that because my stomach protruded past my "space" and into theirs, it was now public property. It's truly shocking how many complete strangers will approach a pregnant woman and TOUCH their stomach. Not only do most of them just touch it, they also ask questions so personal that it will make you blush. What in the hell is up with that?! I've actually had a complete stranger in a hair salon walk up to me and RUB my stomach. By the time I gained enough composure to close my slack jaw, she was walking away. I wish I would have had my wits about me enough to have turned around and rubbed her giant ass. Turnabout is fair play.

8. Telemarketers. If I want the shit you're selling, I'll call you.

9. When I call my local cable company and I am connected to my friendly customer service representative, Abdul Rashid, my teeth almost shatter. Abdul IS quite friendly, but cannot understand a damn word I say. I know this because he walking me through "solutions" that have nothing to do with the problem I'm having. I am repeatedly put on hold while he talks to the invisible English speaking schmuck so that the English speaking schmuck can tell him what to say. I also have quite a bit of difficulty understanding Abdul and end up getting testy with him. The conversation usually ends with a threat to cancel my service or with me screaming to speak to the English speaking schmuck. I once had to endure an entire series of these conversations which lasted about an hour in order to finally be connected to the English speaking schmuck who promptly informed my that yes indeed, I HAD turned in my cable box on the day I said I did and not only did I not owe them $175, I actually had a refund coming. Why in the hell did I have to sit on the phone conversing with Abdul and his idiot cousins for an hour?! Assholes told me I owed $175 dollars for a cable box. No virgins in heaven for you, Abdul!!!!!

10. Know-It-Alls send my eyes to rolling. With some people, no matter what you say, they have something to add. If you say it's 4 o'clock, they'll say, "Actually, it's 4:05." If you say, "Oh, I heard they're building a space station on Mars" (and you're totally bullshitting) they'll say, "Yeah...I know.....I read about that. It's gonna be cool." I know someone who thinks she's a freakin' human g.p.s. and she can't find her way out of a paper bag. She refuses to ask directions, can't read a map, has no sense of direction and will stay lost for an hour, all the while blaming YOU because you don't know where she is. Her most used phrase is, "I know." Food for thought: When every other sentence you utter is, "I know," you probably don't know shit.

11. The Know-It-All above is also the world's greatest One-Upper.If you've seen a concert, she's seen it twice. If you just got a new cell phone, she just got one that's better. If you just saw your first Broadway show...off Broadway... and are so excited, she'll pop your balloon by not so casually mentioning that she's seen Wicked twice...on Broadway. If you've been somewhere, she's been there. If she hasn't been there, she trash talks it. One-Uppers blow. They're glory stealers and party poopers...and assholes.

I actually think I'm going to start tracking all of the things that piss me off. Oprah has that crazy "Thankful Journal" or whatever. That really requires a lot of thought and a lot of bullshitting one's self. I mean really. Who REALLY is thankful for obstacles to overcome? Have they maybe resulted in my being a stronger person? Probably. Am I thankful that I had to endure them? Ummm..no. I'm sure they pissed me off more than anything.

2008- The Year of Lost & Found

2008 for me began with being heavily medicated. I was involved in a serious auto accident before Christmas and came out of it with a shattered collarbone and a fractured hip. I have no idea at all what I did for New Years. I only know that I was home with my left arm in an immobilizer and off my feet because I couldn’t stand. The first two months of 2008 are completely lost to me.

In early January, Eric had to go back to work after having stayed home for two or three weeks of being my nurse. The day after he went back to work, I was standing in the kitchen trying to figure out how to do a two-armed task with one arm and the phone rang. It was my sister, Inga. She asked me to go look out my window to see if she was parked in my driveway. She was. My dear sister who suffers pretty severe anxiety when she travels too far away from home, drove to Texas to try to help relieve my fear of my inability to take care of myself without Eric at home. I found out how much my sister loves me.

Sometime in January, I opened my MySpace account and saw that I had a message from a former friend of mine. I had severed a relationship from this person years ago. The reasons were selfish and immature and we ended the friendship at an incredibly tumultuous time in both our lives. This person had now worked up the courage to message me and include her phone number. I stared at the screen for about three minutes and then picked up the phone. We talked for an hour and decided that the past was the past and that the relationship that we’d initially had was something that we both missed terribly. Now we e-mail and talk regularly and I am incredibly thrilled that she is a part of my life again. I love her and I missed her terribly during those lost years. I’m so happy she found me.

In late February, a recruiter found Eric and told him about a company who wanted to interview him. Eric flew to Phoenix, AZ and within five minutes of leaving the interview, they called him and offered him the job. After nineteen years with the same company in Texas, he changed employers. Job found.

We then faced the challenge of putting our first home together on the market after only ten months of owning it. Eric started work within two weeks of being hired, which means that during the first week of March he moved to Phoenix while I stayed in Texas with our four kids to try to sell the house. One armed, I kept our home showroom ready so that we could hopefully sell it as quickly as possible. The market was just starting to decline and we were scared. Two months and exactly two showings later, we got a contract on our house. Home lost.

Before leaving town, our friend Kyle and his partner Eli, our friend and family doctor, Jeff and his partner Brian, took us out for a last hurrah. We ate, talked, danced, and ended up at an I.H.O.P. at 2:00 a.m. eating breakfast. We laughed at each other’s goofiness until we literally cried and held our sides. The ability to share these moments with them, lost. Memories that will last our lifetimes, found.

The middle of May, we watched our household belongings get loaded on two semi trucks and driven away. I cried as I walked through my beautiful home that was no longer mine. It was the first home I’d ever owned and I loved it. We picked the kids up from their last day at school and headed out on our new journey. We made a quick overnight stop at our friend’s house in Sanger, TX so that we could begin our trip refreshed the next day and so that we could say our goodbyes. As we left our friends Mike & Linda the next morning, we were all in tears. We had found a truly wonderful friendship over the past few years and we hoped very much that this move wouldn’t see it lost.

On July 15, after living in a vacation rental for a couple of months in Gilbert, AZ, we moved into our newly constructed home. It was much different from our home in Texas, but it was quite lovely. Everyone settled into their new rooms and adjusted to their new surroundings. Home found.

August is a banner month in our household. All of us with the exception of Abby have a birthday in August. Eric turned 41, Alex turned four, Ben turned 15 and I turned 40. I had no problems with turning 40. With each passing year, I feel more comfortable in my own skin. As Jon Bon Jovi so eloquently puts it, “I’m not old, just older.” Wisdom, knowledge, and self-confidence found.

For Ben & Abby, August also brought the beginning of the school year in their new school. With jittery nerves they went, and within the week had made friends. They also found that a large number of the kids they went to school with lived in or very near our neighborhood. A first for them. Friends found.

October brought with it melancholy and discontent. Fall is my very favorite time of year and I actually seem to have a mental/physical change at the onset of autumn. This year, things didn’t mesh. On Halloween, my favorite holiday, it was in the 80’s. There were no turning leaves. No leaves at all. Just a bunch of dirt and sand and ugly cacti. My beloved Fall was nowhere to be found.

November turned up family in record numbers. Eric’s family decided to hold a family reunion in Mesa, AZ this year during the two days following Thanksgiving. Everyone converged upon Arizona the day before or the day of Thanksgiving. I cooked for twenty-four people. It was quite something. Way too much food consumed. The reunion was nice & it was good to be able to visit with everyone. Even Bob. Renewed relationships with family found, waistlines lost.

November also brought with it the election of our country’s 44th president. I’ve been an Obama girl since way before he announced his candidacy for president. I’ve been a fan since I read his first book in fact. I suffered a lot of brain damage in November. I had immersed myself completely in reading every piece of news from every source, every day for months. By the time election day rolled around and I had been turned away from the polls for wearing an Obama ’08 t-shirt, (I turned it inside out and went in and voted.) I was completely mentally exhausted. The payoff was a new president found, and hope renewed.

Christmas is my least favorite holiday. In fact, I really don’t like it so it can’t even be on a list of favorites. I go through the whole mess of decorating and shopping and baking and blah, blah, blah. The state of the world, of the economy, the environment…it all just didn’t seem very merry. It’s been seeping away for years, but this year…Christmas spirit lost. Probably for good.

December did bring with it some good news. Our friends from Sanger, TX who own a construction company began doing work for Eric in Arizona. We’ve been able to spend some great time with them and it looks like they will be doing business here for a while. We’re so happy to have the opportunity to keep making memories with them. Our loss was only temporary. Friends found.

2008 also saw the loss of fifty percent of our retirement account. One of our credit card companies sent a letter informing us they were no longer in the business of credit. (However, please go ahead and pay your balance, thank you.) We’ve seen friends and neighbors lose their jobs and homes. We’ve watched politicians lose their freaking minds. We’ve watched the loss of life around the world and continue to watch in horror and sorrow at the escalation.

Personally, I feel like I have found a sense, at least somewhat, of renewed hope. I have great hope for our new president and for our country. I have also found that I am resilient. Not always without some complaining, but nonetheless, I can and do bounce back. I found that even when life-altering events happen, life really doesn’t change that much. I still have my sweet husband, my children, my health and friends and family who care about me and who I care about even though we’re thousands of miles apart. That’s not too shabby. I’d say I’m a pretty lucky girl.

Gratitude found.