In recent days, Governor Sarah Palin has begun referring to Senator Barack Obama as “Barack the Wealth Spreader”, referring to his proposed tax plan that would provide greater tax relief for lower income individuals than those with higher incomes. Obama recently explained his support for progressive taxation, saying, “I think when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody.”
Palin contends that Obama’s characterization of his tax plan revealed him to be a “socialist” who wants to “redistribute” American wealth. Palin argues that the Obama tax plan “discourages productivity”, will “punish hard work,” and will “stifle the entrepreneurial spirit.”
Conservatives have echoed Palin’s sentiments, insinuating that Obama is a “Marxist” and referring to his tax plan as “welfare.” The Obama-as-a-socialist theme has become the center of the McCain campaign.
But Palin’s criticisms of Obama’s “spread the wealth” remarks are ironic, as she recently characterized Alaska’s tax code in a very similar way. Just last month in an interview with Philip Gourevitch of the New Yorker, Palin explained the windfall profits tax that she imposed on the oil industry in Alaska as a mechanism for ensuring that Alaskan’s “share in the wealth” generated by oil companies.
The direct quote by Sarah Palin from the interview:
“And Alaska – we’ve set up, unlike other states in the Union, where it’s collectively Alaskans own the resources. So we share in the wealth when the development of these resources occurs. It’s to maximize benefits for Alaskans, not an individual company, not some multi-national somewhere, but for Alaskans.”
In fact, Alaska’s Clear and Equitable Share (ACES) program which manages the redistribution of oil wealth in Alaska brings in so much money the state needs no income or sales tax. In addition, this year ACES will provide every Alaskan with a check for an estimated $3,200.American Journalist Hendrick Hertzberg notes, “Perhaps there is some meaningful distinction between spreading the wealth and sharing it…but finding it would require the analytical skills of Karl the Marxist."
Oops, Governor Palin. I guess you're a "socialist" too.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Someone on the Right is right
I haven't posted anything here lately because I really use Myspace to blog. (www.myspace.com/rubberflubber)
All of my posts/rants have been being posted there recently. I thought I'd go ahead and post this particular article here as well because it's worth a read by anyone and everyone who manages to lay their eyes on it.
This article was written by a Mormon (LDS). It's somewhat encouraging to find that not everyone on the far right who has a belief in a higher power, believes that everyone who doesn't believe as they do are damned to hell.
I live in MormonLand Arizona and have my stomach turned daily as I drive by the 'Vote Yes on 102...vote Yes for Marriage" signs. Prop 102 is AZs answer to California's prop 8. A Yes vote would mean changing the constitution to define a marriage as a union between a man and a woman. For some reason, the Mormons around here...and apparently all over the country are enormously threatened by someone else's love and commitment.
Read on:
A MORMON'S LAMENT: THE CHURCH IS ON THE WRONG SIDE OF HISTORY AGAIN WITH PROPOSITION 8
In late 2002, as President George W. Bush began building his case for preemptive war in Iraq, a remarkable thing happened. In contrast to the general timidity of American churches in response to the conflict in Vietnam, leaders of faith were speaking out. Observed the Reverend Jim Wallis at the time:
"Opposition to war with Iraq has come from a wide spectrum of the churches - Roman Catholic, Protestant denominations, Evangelical, Pentecostal, black churches, Orthodox. All of the statements, letters, and resolutions from church leaders and bodies take the threat posed by Saddam Hussein seriously, but they refuse war as the best response.
Importantly, these church leaders are not making their decision based on whether or not they approve of President George W. Bush - some do and some don't. Rather, they are doing so on the basis of Christian theology and moral teaching."
One notable exception to this dissent: the Mormon Church.
The LDS Church's cautious official response to the war (one of the most consequential decisions in recent American history) and near-unconditional subsequent support for the Bush Administration (in 2005, Dick Cheney was awarded an honorary doctorate and invited as the commencement speaker at BYU, the Church's flagship institution), raise important questions about the Church's involvement in political affairs, particularly when an issue has moral/ethical implications. When should it speak out? When should it stay neutral? And how does it treat its members with minority views?
Nearly six years and thousands of lost lives since the war began, Mormon authorities still haven't weighed in on Iraq, Abu Ghraib, or Guantanomo Bay. Neither have they directed semi-annual Conference addresses to the genocide in Sudan, human rights violations caused by multi-national corporations, or climate change that could have devastating effects on future generations. Instead, in the past few months they have decided to take action on a "moral issue" of a different sort: denying gay couples the constitutional right to get married in California.
In support of California's Proposition 8, the Mormon Church has gone into political overdrive. Under the direction of Church leaders' admonition over the pulpit, they have formed a formidable grassroots machine, providing boots on the ground, making phone calls, writing letters, forwarding emails, while donating an astounding $19 million to the cause.
"What we're about is the work of the Lord, and He will bless you for your involvement," apostle M. Russell Ballard proclaimed in a broadcast to church buildings in California, Utah, Hawaii and Idaho.
This stand, sadly, follows a disturbing trend of being on the wrong side of history on issues of social justice and equality for the LDS Church.
For nearly 150 years, the Mormon Church stubbornly held to a racist policy that refused all members of African descent the privilege of entering temples or receiving the Priesthood. Even as slavery, segregation, and Jim Crowe receded into the American past, the Mormon Church still treated its own black members as second-class citizens. The practice was justified as the plan of God. Apostles and prophets, the highest authorities in the Church, rationalized the continued discrimination by pointing to the "curse of Cain" and disobedience in the pre-existence. Other leaders said they simply didn't know but were sure God had some mysterious reason for keeping the full blessings of the Gospel from black people. Only a rare few leaders, including apostle Hugh B. Brown (and many more grassroots members), spoke out on behalf of civil rights. So the infamous ban lived on until 1978.
Along with polygamy, this blatant institutional racism is perhaps the most regrettable scar in Mormon history. Though progress has been made, race remains a taboo subject to this day for most Mormons, shrouded in shame and myth. It hasn't helped that the Church still hasn't publicly acknowledged or apologized for its racist past.
Yet sadly this is not the only example of the Mormon Church attempting to stifle progress and equality. In the 1970s the Church went to great efforts to oppose the Equal Rights Amendment for women. Much like Proposition 8, they argued that it undermined the traditional structure of the family. Church leaders called it "a moral issue with many disturbing ramifications for women and for the family as individual members and as a whole." President Spencer W. Kimball said it "would strike at the family, humankind's basic institution."
Sound familiar?
So here we are, in 2008, and now the threat is gay people who are already gay, who love each other and in many cases live together, and want to get married. How does this hurt the average Mormon family?
If the concern really was the practical welfare of the family, perhaps the Church could instead invest its vast resources into making healthcare universal and affordable, expanding the Family and Medical Leave Act, cracking down on child predators, and improving the quality of our educational system. All of these issues have a direct impact on my family and millions of others.
You hear of marriages ruined all the time because of abuse, neglect, or stress over finances. But I have personally never heard of a divorce caused by another gay couple getting married.
Yet instead of focusing on issues that can really help nourish our families we obsess over a word. A word we refuse to share. A word that has never been perfectly fixed. There was a time, after all, when inter-racial marriage was just as taboo and illegal as gay marriage. Marriage has been many things, but the common ideal has been and should continue to be a relationship built on love and commitment.
So to my fellow Mormons: I ask you to please re-consider. Take the time you would spend fighting this errant cause with your family. Go to a movie. Take a drive together. Watch the World Series.
Maybe you don't completely understand homosexuality. Maybe you think it's a sin. But shouldn't we leave that to God and allow others to be who they are and make their own choices? As followers of Christ, isn't it always better to err on the side of compassion and love?
Martin Luther King once lamented in his famous letter from Birmingham Jail:
"So often the contemporary Church is a weak, ineffectual voice with an uncertain sound. So often it is an arch-defender of the status quo. Far from being disturbed by the presence of the Church, the power structure of the average community is consoled by the Church's silent---and often even vocal---sanction of things as they are."
In case after case when the moral chips have been on the table, I have hoped for my Church what Dr. King prayed for in his time: that "the Church as a whole will meet the challenge of [the] decisive hour." But sadly, so often on the issues of peace, equality and social justice, it has failed, whether by silence or misguided support.
With Proposition 8 it is time to stand for justice, not discrimination. It is time to stand for equality. It is time to be on the right side of history. Regardless of race, gender, or sexuality human beings are human beings and deserve to be treated as such. Today I voice my public support in favor of treating my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters as equals, and ask my fellow Mormons to do the same.
UPDATE: To clarify, I commend all the good, charitable work the LDS Church does and have written about it in the past. The purpose of this article is specifically on the Church's response to political issues with moral implications.
All of my posts/rants have been being posted there recently. I thought I'd go ahead and post this particular article here as well because it's worth a read by anyone and everyone who manages to lay their eyes on it.
This article was written by a Mormon (LDS). It's somewhat encouraging to find that not everyone on the far right who has a belief in a higher power, believes that everyone who doesn't believe as they do are damned to hell.
I live in MormonLand Arizona and have my stomach turned daily as I drive by the 'Vote Yes on 102...vote Yes for Marriage" signs. Prop 102 is AZs answer to California's prop 8. A Yes vote would mean changing the constitution to define a marriage as a union between a man and a woman. For some reason, the Mormons around here...and apparently all over the country are enormously threatened by someone else's love and commitment.
Read on:
A MORMON'S LAMENT: THE CHURCH IS ON THE WRONG SIDE OF HISTORY AGAIN WITH PROPOSITION 8
In late 2002, as President George W. Bush began building his case for preemptive war in Iraq, a remarkable thing happened. In contrast to the general timidity of American churches in response to the conflict in Vietnam, leaders of faith were speaking out. Observed the Reverend Jim Wallis at the time:
"Opposition to war with Iraq has come from a wide spectrum of the churches - Roman Catholic, Protestant denominations, Evangelical, Pentecostal, black churches, Orthodox. All of the statements, letters, and resolutions from church leaders and bodies take the threat posed by Saddam Hussein seriously, but they refuse war as the best response.
Importantly, these church leaders are not making their decision based on whether or not they approve of President George W. Bush - some do and some don't. Rather, they are doing so on the basis of Christian theology and moral teaching."
One notable exception to this dissent: the Mormon Church.
The LDS Church's cautious official response to the war (one of the most consequential decisions in recent American history) and near-unconditional subsequent support for the Bush Administration (in 2005, Dick Cheney was awarded an honorary doctorate and invited as the commencement speaker at BYU, the Church's flagship institution), raise important questions about the Church's involvement in political affairs, particularly when an issue has moral/ethical implications. When should it speak out? When should it stay neutral? And how does it treat its members with minority views?
Nearly six years and thousands of lost lives since the war began, Mormon authorities still haven't weighed in on Iraq, Abu Ghraib, or Guantanomo Bay. Neither have they directed semi-annual Conference addresses to the genocide in Sudan, human rights violations caused by multi-national corporations, or climate change that could have devastating effects on future generations. Instead, in the past few months they have decided to take action on a "moral issue" of a different sort: denying gay couples the constitutional right to get married in California.
In support of California's Proposition 8, the Mormon Church has gone into political overdrive. Under the direction of Church leaders' admonition over the pulpit, they have formed a formidable grassroots machine, providing boots on the ground, making phone calls, writing letters, forwarding emails, while donating an astounding $19 million to the cause.
"What we're about is the work of the Lord, and He will bless you for your involvement," apostle M. Russell Ballard proclaimed in a broadcast to church buildings in California, Utah, Hawaii and Idaho.
This stand, sadly, follows a disturbing trend of being on the wrong side of history on issues of social justice and equality for the LDS Church.
For nearly 150 years, the Mormon Church stubbornly held to a racist policy that refused all members of African descent the privilege of entering temples or receiving the Priesthood. Even as slavery, segregation, and Jim Crowe receded into the American past, the Mormon Church still treated its own black members as second-class citizens. The practice was justified as the plan of God. Apostles and prophets, the highest authorities in the Church, rationalized the continued discrimination by pointing to the "curse of Cain" and disobedience in the pre-existence. Other leaders said they simply didn't know but were sure God had some mysterious reason for keeping the full blessings of the Gospel from black people. Only a rare few leaders, including apostle Hugh B. Brown (and many more grassroots members), spoke out on behalf of civil rights. So the infamous ban lived on until 1978.
Along with polygamy, this blatant institutional racism is perhaps the most regrettable scar in Mormon history. Though progress has been made, race remains a taboo subject to this day for most Mormons, shrouded in shame and myth. It hasn't helped that the Church still hasn't publicly acknowledged or apologized for its racist past.
Yet sadly this is not the only example of the Mormon Church attempting to stifle progress and equality. In the 1970s the Church went to great efforts to oppose the Equal Rights Amendment for women. Much like Proposition 8, they argued that it undermined the traditional structure of the family. Church leaders called it "a moral issue with many disturbing ramifications for women and for the family as individual members and as a whole." President Spencer W. Kimball said it "would strike at the family, humankind's basic institution."
Sound familiar?
So here we are, in 2008, and now the threat is gay people who are already gay, who love each other and in many cases live together, and want to get married. How does this hurt the average Mormon family?
If the concern really was the practical welfare of the family, perhaps the Church could instead invest its vast resources into making healthcare universal and affordable, expanding the Family and Medical Leave Act, cracking down on child predators, and improving the quality of our educational system. All of these issues have a direct impact on my family and millions of others.
You hear of marriages ruined all the time because of abuse, neglect, or stress over finances. But I have personally never heard of a divorce caused by another gay couple getting married.
Yet instead of focusing on issues that can really help nourish our families we obsess over a word. A word we refuse to share. A word that has never been perfectly fixed. There was a time, after all, when inter-racial marriage was just as taboo and illegal as gay marriage. Marriage has been many things, but the common ideal has been and should continue to be a relationship built on love and commitment.
So to my fellow Mormons: I ask you to please re-consider. Take the time you would spend fighting this errant cause with your family. Go to a movie. Take a drive together. Watch the World Series.
Maybe you don't completely understand homosexuality. Maybe you think it's a sin. But shouldn't we leave that to God and allow others to be who they are and make their own choices? As followers of Christ, isn't it always better to err on the side of compassion and love?
Martin Luther King once lamented in his famous letter from Birmingham Jail:
"So often the contemporary Church is a weak, ineffectual voice with an uncertain sound. So often it is an arch-defender of the status quo. Far from being disturbed by the presence of the Church, the power structure of the average community is consoled by the Church's silent---and often even vocal---sanction of things as they are."
In case after case when the moral chips have been on the table, I have hoped for my Church what Dr. King prayed for in his time: that "the Church as a whole will meet the challenge of [the] decisive hour." But sadly, so often on the issues of peace, equality and social justice, it has failed, whether by silence or misguided support.
With Proposition 8 it is time to stand for justice, not discrimination. It is time to stand for equality. It is time to be on the right side of history. Regardless of race, gender, or sexuality human beings are human beings and deserve to be treated as such. Today I voice my public support in favor of treating my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters as equals, and ask my fellow Mormons to do the same.
UPDATE: To clarify, I commend all the good, charitable work the LDS Church does and have written about it in the past. The purpose of this article is specifically on the Church's response to political issues with moral implications.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Newsweek Article Worth a Read
Palin Is Ready? Please.
McCain says that he always puts country first. In this important case, that is simply not true.
Fareed Zakaria
NEWSWEEK
From the magazine issue dated Oct 6, 2008
Will someone please put Sarah Palin out of her agony? Is it too much to ask that she come to realize that she wants, in that wonderful phrase in American politics, "to spend more time with her family"? Having stayed in purdah for weeks, she finally agreed to a third interview. CBS's Katie Couric questioned her in her trademark sympathetic style. It didn't help. When asked how living in the state closest to Russia gave her foreign-policy experience, Palin responded thus:
"It's very important when you consider even national-security issues with Russia as Putin rears his head and comes into the airspace of the United States of America. Where—where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border. It is from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there. They are right next to—to our state."
There is, of course, the sheer absurdity of the premise. Two weeks ago I flew to Tokyo, crossing over the North Pole. Does that make me an expert on Santa Claus? (Thanks, Jon Stewart.) But even beyond that, read the rest of her response. "It is from Alaska that we send out those …" What does this mean? This is not an isolated example. Palin has been given a set of talking points by campaign advisers, simple ideological mantras that she repeats and repeats as long as she can. ("We mustn't blink.") But if forced off those rehearsed lines, what she has to say is often, quite frankly, gibberish.
Couric asked her a smart question about the proposed $700 billion bailout of the American financial sector. It was designed to see if Palin understood that the problem in this crisis is that credit and liquidity in the financial system has dried up, and that that's why, in the estimation of Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson and Fed chairman Ben Bernanke, the government needs to step in to buy up Wall Street's most toxic liabilities. Here's the entire exchange:
COURIC: Why isn't it better, Governor Palin, to spend $700 billion helping middle-class families who are struggling with health care, housing, gas and groceries; allow them to spend more and put more money into the economy instead of helping these big financial institutions that played a role in creating this mess?
PALIN: That's why I say I, like every American I'm speaking with, were ill about this position that we have been put in where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health-care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy, helping the—it's got to be all about job creation, too, shoring up our economy and putting it back on the right track. So health-care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions and tax relief for Americans. And trade, we've got to see trade as opportunity, not as a competitive, scary thing. But one in five jobs being created in the trade sector today, we've got to look at that as more opportunity. All those things under the umbrella of job creation. This bailout is a part of that.
This is nonsense—a vapid emptying out of every catchphrase about economics that came into her head. Some commentators, like CNN's Campbell Brown, have argued that it's sexist to keep Sarah Palin under wraps, as if she were a delicate flower who might wilt under the bright lights of the modern media. But the more Palin talks, the more we see that it may not be sexism but common sense that's causing the McCain campaign to treat her like a time bomb.
Can we now admit the obvious? Sarah Palin is utterly unqualified to be vice president. She is a feisty, charismatic politician who has done some good things in Alaska. But she has never spent a day thinking about any important national or international issue, and this is a hell of a time to start. The next administration is going to face a set of challenges unlike any in recent memory. There is an ongoing military operation in Iraq that still costs $10 billion a month, a war against the Taliban in Afghanistan and Pakistan that is not going well and is not easily fixed. Iran, Russia and Venezuela present tough strategic challenges.
Domestically, the bailout and reform of the financial industry will take years and hundreds of billions of dollars. Health-care costs, unless curtailed, will bankrupt the federal government. Social Security, immigration, collapsing infrastructure and education are all going to get much worse if they are not handled soon.
And the American government is stretched to the limit. Between the Bush tax cuts, homeland-security needs, Iraq, Afghanistan and the bailout, the budget is looking bleak. Plus, within a few years, the retirement of the baby boomers begins with its massive and rising costs (in the trillions).
Obviously these are very serious challenges and constraints. In these times, for John McCain to have chosen this person to be his running mate is fundamentally irresponsible. McCain says that he always puts country first. In this important case, it is simply not true.
URL: http://www.newsweek.com/id/161204
Monday, September 1, 2008
Hypocrisy
This is copied directly (not translated...ahem...) from the Blogger website of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. (Mormon church)
"THEDOCTRINE AND COVENANTSOF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS
SECTION 89
Revelation given through Joseph Smith the Prophet, at Kirtland, Ohio, February 27, 1833. HC 1: 327–329. As a consequence of the early brethren using tobacco in their meetings, the Prophet was led to ponder upon the matter; consequently he inquired of the Lord concerning it. This revelation, known as the Word of Wisdom, was the result. The first three verses were originally written as an inspired introduction and description by the Prophet.
1–9, Use of wine, strong drinks, tobacco, and hot drinks proscribed; 10–17, Herbs, fruits, flesh, and grain are ordained for the use of man and of animals; 18–21, Obedience to gospel law, including the Word of Wisdom, brings temporal and spiritual blessings.
1 A aWord OF Wisdom, for the benefit of the council of high priests, assembled in Kirtland, and the church, and also the saints in Zion—
2 To be sent greeting; not by commandment or constraint, but by revelation and the aword of wisdom, showing forth the order and bwill of God in the temporal salvation of all saints in the last days—
3 Given for a principle with apromise, adapted to the capacity of the bweak and the weakest of all csaints, who are or can be called saints.
4 Behold, verily, thus saith the Lord unto you: In consequence of aevils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of bconspiring men in the last days, I have cwarned you, and forewarn you, by giving unto you this word of wisdom by revelation—
5 That inasmuch as any man adrinketh bwine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father, only in assembling yourselves together to offer up your sacraments before him.
6 And, behold, this should be wine, yea, apure wine of the grape of the vine, of your own make.
7 And, again, astrong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies.
8 And again, tobacco is not for the abody, neither for the belly, and is not good for man, but is an herb for bruises and all sick cattle, to be used with judgment and skill.
9 And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly.
10 And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome aherbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man—
11 Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with aprudence and bthanksgiving.
12 Yea, aflesh also of bbeasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used csparingly;
13 And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be aused, only in times of winter, or of cold, or bfamine.
14 All agrain is ordained for the use of man and of beasts, to be the staff of life, not only for man but for the beasts of the field, and the fowls of heaven, and all wild animals that run or creep on the earth;
15 And athese hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine and excess of hunger.
16 All grain is good for the afood of man; as also the bfruit of the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground—
17 Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain.
18 And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, ashall receive bhealth in their navel and marrow to their bones;
19 And shall afind bwisdom and great ctreasures of dknowledge, even hidden treasures;
20 And shall arun and not be bweary, and shall walk and not faint.
21 And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the adestroying angel shall bpass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen.
The Official Scriptures of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints"
I have a problem with this.
Growing up my entire life as a Mormon, it was hammered into my head that drinking, smoking, partaking of tea and any beverage with caffeine in it was a no-no. Doing so would be in violation of The Word of Wisdom.
First of all....what a bitch. What kid doesn't want to pound Dr. Pepper or Coke with their friends at a slumber party? Second of all....what a crock.
I'm assuming that the no caffeine rule is a translation issue because I never have and still do not see that it is prohibited by the Word of Wisdom.
I also see that wine is not prohibited if it's for offering sacrament and is homemade. Whoopee!!! How in the hell did I miss that part?! I guess wine wasn't really on my agenda in middle school yet. I was far too concerned about being banned from drinking all of my favorite soft drinks.
The thing that sticks in my craw the most about religion is the hypocrisy of it all. So...somewhere in there someone determined that caffeine is bad and apparently store bought wine is bad but homemade wine for religious purposes is okie dokie. I know from personal experience that this particular piece of "divine inspiration" is made a big deal of in the Mormon church. But how about the large part of this dictate that talks about not eating meat except in times of winter or famine? I know very few Mormons who are vegetarians. If followed to the letter, one would not drink store bought wine, partake of any sort of tobacco, only eat meat in winter or times of famine and eat grains as the major part of their diet. (I'm still not sure to this day what is meant by "hot" drinks. I see no cross reference of explanation for it so is the reader to assume that hot chocolate and wassail are also prohibited?
It was my understanding growing up that the Word of Wisdom was intended as a guideline to keep help the members of the church live a healthy lifestyle.
In my 30 years of experience in the Mormon church, I found that a large portion of the membership of the church was overweight or obese. Church socials were gorge fests and most of the activities revolved around food. We're not talking about vegetarian fare here. We're talking mayonnaise filled salads, chicken, hamburger, hot dogs, sweets....but no caffeine!
I would be interested to hear a rational and logical explanation as to how one can be 'obedient' to the Word of Wisdom and be obese. According to the Lord, if you're obedient to it, he will bless you that you will be able to run & not be weary and walk and not faint. Apparently, physical fitness and good health is high on the Lord's agenda. If this is indeed the case, then wouldn't he be pretty concerned that a large portion of his followers are fatties? I mean, how many caffeine related deaths and illnesses are there? Now let's count the number of illnesses and deaths directly related to obesity. A rational thinking person might conclude that obesity is a greater sin than drinking a Mountain Dew or even a glass or two of wine now and then. (And how about those reports that scientifically conclude that red wine actually has health benefits?!)
In the Mormon church there is something called a "Temple Recommend". It's basically a pass that you get that allows you to go to a Mormon temple. In order to get that pass, you have to fulfill certain requirements such as being a regular tithe payer, being obedient to the Word of Wisdom, etc. I know firsthand people that have been denied a Recommend because they admitted in their interview with their church leader that they drank beer. I also know dozens upon dozens of fat Mormons who hold those recommends in good standing.
???
I'm picking on the Mormons here because it's the church I'm most familiar with. The same hypocrisy and worse exists across the board of religious sects.
I'll be the first to stand and say that sometimes I may be hypocritical. The difference is that I don't subscribe to any philosophy that I claim to be a follower of and conduct myself in a contradictory manner to that philosophy.
My mother inspired this rant. She's a die hard Mormon who has had surgery on both knees because she's too heavy and her cartilage has worn out. In her eyes, I'm a heathen because I drink. My lifestyle (a few drinks every now and then) makes her sad because she thinks my soul is damned in the hereafter. Her lifestyle makes me sad because in my eyes, her hypocrisy has already damned her soul in the here and now.
"THEDOCTRINE AND COVENANTSOF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS
SECTION 89
Revelation given through Joseph Smith the Prophet, at Kirtland, Ohio, February 27, 1833. HC 1: 327–329. As a consequence of the early brethren using tobacco in their meetings, the Prophet was led to ponder upon the matter; consequently he inquired of the Lord concerning it. This revelation, known as the Word of Wisdom, was the result. The first three verses were originally written as an inspired introduction and description by the Prophet.
1–9, Use of wine, strong drinks, tobacco, and hot drinks proscribed; 10–17, Herbs, fruits, flesh, and grain are ordained for the use of man and of animals; 18–21, Obedience to gospel law, including the Word of Wisdom, brings temporal and spiritual blessings.
1 A aWord OF Wisdom, for the benefit of the council of high priests, assembled in Kirtland, and the church, and also the saints in Zion—
2 To be sent greeting; not by commandment or constraint, but by revelation and the aword of wisdom, showing forth the order and bwill of God in the temporal salvation of all saints in the last days—
3 Given for a principle with apromise, adapted to the capacity of the bweak and the weakest of all csaints, who are or can be called saints.
4 Behold, verily, thus saith the Lord unto you: In consequence of aevils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of bconspiring men in the last days, I have cwarned you, and forewarn you, by giving unto you this word of wisdom by revelation—
5 That inasmuch as any man adrinketh bwine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father, only in assembling yourselves together to offer up your sacraments before him.
6 And, behold, this should be wine, yea, apure wine of the grape of the vine, of your own make.
7 And, again, astrong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies.
8 And again, tobacco is not for the abody, neither for the belly, and is not good for man, but is an herb for bruises and all sick cattle, to be used with judgment and skill.
9 And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly.
10 And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome aherbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man—
11 Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with aprudence and bthanksgiving.
12 Yea, aflesh also of bbeasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used csparingly;
13 And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be aused, only in times of winter, or of cold, or bfamine.
14 All agrain is ordained for the use of man and of beasts, to be the staff of life, not only for man but for the beasts of the field, and the fowls of heaven, and all wild animals that run or creep on the earth;
15 And athese hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine and excess of hunger.
16 All grain is good for the afood of man; as also the bfruit of the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground—
17 Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain.
18 And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, ashall receive bhealth in their navel and marrow to their bones;
19 And shall afind bwisdom and great ctreasures of dknowledge, even hidden treasures;
20 And shall arun and not be bweary, and shall walk and not faint.
21 And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the adestroying angel shall bpass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen.
The Official Scriptures of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints"
I have a problem with this.
Growing up my entire life as a Mormon, it was hammered into my head that drinking, smoking, partaking of tea and any beverage with caffeine in it was a no-no. Doing so would be in violation of The Word of Wisdom.
First of all....what a bitch. What kid doesn't want to pound Dr. Pepper or Coke with their friends at a slumber party? Second of all....what a crock.
I'm assuming that the no caffeine rule is a translation issue because I never have and still do not see that it is prohibited by the Word of Wisdom.
I also see that wine is not prohibited if it's for offering sacrament and is homemade. Whoopee!!! How in the hell did I miss that part?! I guess wine wasn't really on my agenda in middle school yet. I was far too concerned about being banned from drinking all of my favorite soft drinks.
The thing that sticks in my craw the most about religion is the hypocrisy of it all. So...somewhere in there someone determined that caffeine is bad and apparently store bought wine is bad but homemade wine for religious purposes is okie dokie. I know from personal experience that this particular piece of "divine inspiration" is made a big deal of in the Mormon church. But how about the large part of this dictate that talks about not eating meat except in times of winter or famine? I know very few Mormons who are vegetarians. If followed to the letter, one would not drink store bought wine, partake of any sort of tobacco, only eat meat in winter or times of famine and eat grains as the major part of their diet. (I'm still not sure to this day what is meant by "hot" drinks. I see no cross reference of explanation for it so is the reader to assume that hot chocolate and wassail are also prohibited?
It was my understanding growing up that the Word of Wisdom was intended as a guideline to keep help the members of the church live a healthy lifestyle.
In my 30 years of experience in the Mormon church, I found that a large portion of the membership of the church was overweight or obese. Church socials were gorge fests and most of the activities revolved around food. We're not talking about vegetarian fare here. We're talking mayonnaise filled salads, chicken, hamburger, hot dogs, sweets....but no caffeine!
I would be interested to hear a rational and logical explanation as to how one can be 'obedient' to the Word of Wisdom and be obese. According to the Lord, if you're obedient to it, he will bless you that you will be able to run & not be weary and walk and not faint. Apparently, physical fitness and good health is high on the Lord's agenda. If this is indeed the case, then wouldn't he be pretty concerned that a large portion of his followers are fatties? I mean, how many caffeine related deaths and illnesses are there? Now let's count the number of illnesses and deaths directly related to obesity. A rational thinking person might conclude that obesity is a greater sin than drinking a Mountain Dew or even a glass or two of wine now and then. (And how about those reports that scientifically conclude that red wine actually has health benefits?!)
In the Mormon church there is something called a "Temple Recommend". It's basically a pass that you get that allows you to go to a Mormon temple. In order to get that pass, you have to fulfill certain requirements such as being a regular tithe payer, being obedient to the Word of Wisdom, etc. I know firsthand people that have been denied a Recommend because they admitted in their interview with their church leader that they drank beer. I also know dozens upon dozens of fat Mormons who hold those recommends in good standing.
???
I'm picking on the Mormons here because it's the church I'm most familiar with. The same hypocrisy and worse exists across the board of religious sects.
I'll be the first to stand and say that sometimes I may be hypocritical. The difference is that I don't subscribe to any philosophy that I claim to be a follower of and conduct myself in a contradictory manner to that philosophy.
My mother inspired this rant. She's a die hard Mormon who has had surgery on both knees because she's too heavy and her cartilage has worn out. In her eyes, I'm a heathen because I drink. My lifestyle (a few drinks every now and then) makes her sad because she thinks my soul is damned in the hereafter. Her lifestyle makes me sad because in my eyes, her hypocrisy has already damned her soul in the here and now.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Bullshit Politics
I hate with a capital H the bullshit of politics.
Some say that although our system is flawed that it is the best that exists in the world. I say that if we're a "Super Power" and the self-proclaimed greatest country on Earth, we can do better. The problem is, the people with the power to change it don't want it changed.
I heard yesterday that our country is currently experiencing the greatest disparity between classes than has been experienced since the Depression.
I hear the hollow words of the Conservative Right...especially those who are experiencing no real financial hardships...and they talk about how people have increased their financial status under Republican presidencies, etc. In my adult life I have worked while Democrats were in power and while Republicans were in power. My income did not rise or fall as either of these parties came into power. I did feel economic pinches here and there, received salary increases here and there, but never felt that my lifestyle changed in any dramatic way because of what party was in power.
I can say that during the current administration, my husband's salary has increased substantially. I can't give Mr. Bush the credit for it though as my husband was solely responsible for making the change the led to the increase. And although his salary has increased, we are now paying more for groceries than ever, more for gasoline than ever, more in the cost of utilities than ever...and the list goes on. We also had to sell and buy a home during the current administration. We lost money on the house we sold and got a great deal on the home we bought because the market was so depressed that developers were practically giving houses away just to get them sold.
What credit does the current administration get for these things? I personally have never been so fucking frustrated in my entire adulthood about the state of our country as I am today. We are losing American lives in a country in which we don't belong. The excuses for entering into war were bullshit and the reasons for staying are bullshit. A large portion of the country realizes it's bullshit and there is no way in hell that Bush could get re-elected if he were eligible to run again.
The vibe of the country has been growing increasingly negative. We're tired of high gas prices and of dependency on foreign oil. We're tired of being lied to and being bullshitted by the creation of agencies like Homeland Security. What a crock. We are less secure now than ever because all of our resources have been poured into a war on foreign soil instead of being poured into actual changes in our own country to better secure our borders and our citizens. We are currently at risk and incredibly vulnerable. Although we will never forget 9/11, we have already begun to grow impatient waiting in lines at airports to go through security.
We live in a country where only the wealthy can afford to run for the office of President. I don't know too many wealthy individuals...even those who have come from humble beginnings, who can remain in touch with the average American who struggles with hospital bills, latch-key children, the cost of gas for their two cars so both parents can get to work. How do the very wealthy find common ground with children from abusive homes who go on to perpetuate the vicious cycles of neglect and abuse? How do they stay in touch with single mothers struggling to provide the bare minimum for their children?
We are forced to choose between two wealthy candidates who are desperately seeking the power of the presidency. Anyone who comes up through the ranks of politics and has held a position of Senator, Governor, etc. already knows the reality of the office of President. That reality is that the President is powerless without the support of other politicians. Bills must be written to give a little and get a little. Elbows must be rubbed and proverbial palms greased. Party lines are for the most part never crossed and therefore often times good policies are never put into place because there's a staunch refusal to agree to something the other party has suggested because, well...it was suggested by the other party.
This country needs government and don't let anyone bullshit you into believing that it doesn't. Our forefathers weren't idiots. They established government to protect its citizens, to establish the rules of justice, to provide help to those in need of help so that its citizens could get a leg up when needed. It was intended to be a government for the people and our founding fathers intended for us to be active citizens in our governmental process. How far we have strayed.
False pride and proud patriotism turn my stomach. Support our troops? Yes...but how about supporting what our troops have always fought for in this country? Freedom for its citizens. Freedom to choose for themselves whom they love and get to marry...freedom to choose to terminate a pregnancy rather than bring another welfare recipient into the world...or worse yet, another victim of neglect and abuse.
I am not so naive to believe that the candidate for whom I vote is going to affect major change in this country and be a savior who rescues us from all of our ailments. But we only get two choices and we need to make a choice and get our asses to the polls and vote.
My choice will not be for another Bible toting creationist who doesn't believe that my friends shouldn't be afforded the same rights as I enjoy because they happen to be gay. My choice will not be for another candidate who shamelessly wants to dictate what I can or cannot do with my body and who waves the flag and uses it to promote his own agenda.
No matter for whom I vote, I will still live with the dark thoughts that this country is in really bad shape. For all that is good in it, there is still so much bad. Those who refuse to see it are in denial. They want to believe that everything is peachy because hey...their lives are going just fine, right? And if they continue to believe that,they never have to face the difficult task of worrying about the future of their children and the condition of the planet and the pain and heartache and hunger that exists daily in thousands of homes across America. They never have to step outside their comfort zone and take off the rose colored blinders. They never have to hear the conversation going on at the other end of the table.
Too bad. We can learn a lot and be changed mightily by seeing things through different eyes and from truly listening to the dialogue that's taking place while the Conservative Right is singing God Bless America.
Some say that although our system is flawed that it is the best that exists in the world. I say that if we're a "Super Power" and the self-proclaimed greatest country on Earth, we can do better. The problem is, the people with the power to change it don't want it changed.
I heard yesterday that our country is currently experiencing the greatest disparity between classes than has been experienced since the Depression.
I hear the hollow words of the Conservative Right...especially those who are experiencing no real financial hardships...and they talk about how people have increased their financial status under Republican presidencies, etc. In my adult life I have worked while Democrats were in power and while Republicans were in power. My income did not rise or fall as either of these parties came into power. I did feel economic pinches here and there, received salary increases here and there, but never felt that my lifestyle changed in any dramatic way because of what party was in power.
I can say that during the current administration, my husband's salary has increased substantially. I can't give Mr. Bush the credit for it though as my husband was solely responsible for making the change the led to the increase. And although his salary has increased, we are now paying more for groceries than ever, more for gasoline than ever, more in the cost of utilities than ever...and the list goes on. We also had to sell and buy a home during the current administration. We lost money on the house we sold and got a great deal on the home we bought because the market was so depressed that developers were practically giving houses away just to get them sold.
What credit does the current administration get for these things? I personally have never been so fucking frustrated in my entire adulthood about the state of our country as I am today. We are losing American lives in a country in which we don't belong. The excuses for entering into war were bullshit and the reasons for staying are bullshit. A large portion of the country realizes it's bullshit and there is no way in hell that Bush could get re-elected if he were eligible to run again.
The vibe of the country has been growing increasingly negative. We're tired of high gas prices and of dependency on foreign oil. We're tired of being lied to and being bullshitted by the creation of agencies like Homeland Security. What a crock. We are less secure now than ever because all of our resources have been poured into a war on foreign soil instead of being poured into actual changes in our own country to better secure our borders and our citizens. We are currently at risk and incredibly vulnerable. Although we will never forget 9/11, we have already begun to grow impatient waiting in lines at airports to go through security.
We live in a country where only the wealthy can afford to run for the office of President. I don't know too many wealthy individuals...even those who have come from humble beginnings, who can remain in touch with the average American who struggles with hospital bills, latch-key children, the cost of gas for their two cars so both parents can get to work. How do the very wealthy find common ground with children from abusive homes who go on to perpetuate the vicious cycles of neglect and abuse? How do they stay in touch with single mothers struggling to provide the bare minimum for their children?
We are forced to choose between two wealthy candidates who are desperately seeking the power of the presidency. Anyone who comes up through the ranks of politics and has held a position of Senator, Governor, etc. already knows the reality of the office of President. That reality is that the President is powerless without the support of other politicians. Bills must be written to give a little and get a little. Elbows must be rubbed and proverbial palms greased. Party lines are for the most part never crossed and therefore often times good policies are never put into place because there's a staunch refusal to agree to something the other party has suggested because, well...it was suggested by the other party.
This country needs government and don't let anyone bullshit you into believing that it doesn't. Our forefathers weren't idiots. They established government to protect its citizens, to establish the rules of justice, to provide help to those in need of help so that its citizens could get a leg up when needed. It was intended to be a government for the people and our founding fathers intended for us to be active citizens in our governmental process. How far we have strayed.
False pride and proud patriotism turn my stomach. Support our troops? Yes...but how about supporting what our troops have always fought for in this country? Freedom for its citizens. Freedom to choose for themselves whom they love and get to marry...freedom to choose to terminate a pregnancy rather than bring another welfare recipient into the world...or worse yet, another victim of neglect and abuse.
I am not so naive to believe that the candidate for whom I vote is going to affect major change in this country and be a savior who rescues us from all of our ailments. But we only get two choices and we need to make a choice and get our asses to the polls and vote.
My choice will not be for another Bible toting creationist who doesn't believe that my friends shouldn't be afforded the same rights as I enjoy because they happen to be gay. My choice will not be for another candidate who shamelessly wants to dictate what I can or cannot do with my body and who waves the flag and uses it to promote his own agenda.
No matter for whom I vote, I will still live with the dark thoughts that this country is in really bad shape. For all that is good in it, there is still so much bad. Those who refuse to see it are in denial. They want to believe that everything is peachy because hey...their lives are going just fine, right? And if they continue to believe that,they never have to face the difficult task of worrying about the future of their children and the condition of the planet and the pain and heartache and hunger that exists daily in thousands of homes across America. They never have to step outside their comfort zone and take off the rose colored blinders. They never have to hear the conversation going on at the other end of the table.
Too bad. We can learn a lot and be changed mightily by seeing things through different eyes and from truly listening to the dialogue that's taking place while the Conservative Right is singing God Bless America.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Holy Crab!
When my daughter was about nine years old she decided that she wanted a hermit crab as a pet. My first response was, "Ick". But, after investigating a bit I discovered that hermit crabs carry no diseases and are a relatively low maintenance pet.
We selected a cage, bought a giant bag of sand for cage cleaning refills and purchased several pieces of decor for the crab's new home. We then stood over a giant aquarium filled with disgusting looking little crabs who'd had the misfortune of at some point being plucked from their real home and had their shells painted up like billboards so that they could be advertised and sold on the crab market for juvenile entertainment.
My daughter selected a small crab with a red white and blue design on its shell and promptly informed us that its name was Cameron.
Cameron's home somehow ended up being just off the kitchen by the back door. I passed him hundreds of times a day and would often stop and look into his tank and say something like, "Hey Crab." Sometimes when no one was within earshot, I'd tell him how ugly he was. He seemed to know that he wasn't pretty and never responded to my insults other than to crawl into his coconut hut.
My daughter went to Colorado the first summer she had Cameron and I was charged with his care during her absence. I was diligent in my duties and fed and watered him daily, cleaned his cage, cut up some fruit for him and gave him a bath at least once a week. During the month he was in my care, we became reluctant companions. I quit telling him he was ugly and he responded by crawling into his coconut hut. Cameron didn't show a lot of emotion, but I could tell he appreciated my efforts.
One day after my daughter had returned from Colorado, I heard her scream in such a manner that made me think that she had just had her colon removed via her ear. As I ran with my heart beating in fear of the grotesque condition in which I would find my disemboweled daughter when I reached her, I stopped short at Cameron's tank. There my daughter stood with tears rolling down her face. "CAMERON'S DEAD!!!!" she wailed. Sure enough, I looked into his tank and there he was, sans shell, all dried up like a little shriveled cocktail shrimp.
We proceeded with funeral plans which included the placement of a headstone onto which my husband lovingly carved out a "C" and placed at the top of Cameron's grave. We buried him beneath a blooming rose bush in our front flower bed. We all spoke kindly of Cameron and waxed poetic about his kind spirit and how patriotic he was.
Cameron's tank went intact into the garage for the time being. We didn't want to pretend like he'd never existed and that we would soon forget him.
About two weeks later I was standing in the kitchen cutting up vegetables and singing and as I heard the screaming and panting of my son and daughter as they blazed into the kitchen. I inquired as to what in the name of Beejeezes was going on and was not properly prepared for their reply.
"CAMERON'S ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!"
"WHAT THE HELL????? He is NOT!!" I said. "We buried him two weeks ago in the flower bed!!" "HE'S ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!" They squealed.
Running with knife in hand, (after all if animals were being raised from the dead, I might need some protection) I followed my kids to the front yard. And there, on the sidewalk, some fifteen feet from where we'd buried Cameron...was Cameron.
I stood there on the sidewalk as all of the hair on my arms stood at attention. I felt confused and more than a little freaked out. I asked the kids why they'd exhumed the crab. They adamantly denied any participation in his resurrection. I ran to the flower bed and looked at the gravesite. It appeared to be completely untouched. I ran back down to look at Cameron and then ran into the house and Googled "hermit crabs".
Apparently as hermit crabs grow they periodically exit their shell, shed their exoskeleton, burrow into the ground and go into a dormant like state until their new exoskeleton hardens up. They then find a shell and un-burrow and go on about their business as though they're not the freakiest creatures on the planet. By what I was reading on the website, we had evidently aided and abetted Cameron's growth spurt by burying his little dormant carcass and his shell along side each other in a Chinese takeout container a half a foot underground. When he was all nice and rejuvenated, he simply threw his shell back on and dug his freaky little ass out of the ground and hit the road.
How he made it across the lawn and onto the sidewalk without getting trampled is a little crabby miracle, but make it he did.
For weeks after Cameron's resurrection, I would slowly walk by his tank with one hand over my eyes and cautiously peer in to make sure he was still alive and intact. I also stopped going down to the kitchen after dark just in case some supernatural crab event decided to occur during the night.
Cameron eventually died of old age or boredom or whatever crabs die of. It amazed me how few of his followers turned up at his service. I suppose after you've been raised from the dead, it takes awhile for all but the true believers to realize your divinity.
We selected a cage, bought a giant bag of sand for cage cleaning refills and purchased several pieces of decor for the crab's new home. We then stood over a giant aquarium filled with disgusting looking little crabs who'd had the misfortune of at some point being plucked from their real home and had their shells painted up like billboards so that they could be advertised and sold on the crab market for juvenile entertainment.
My daughter selected a small crab with a red white and blue design on its shell and promptly informed us that its name was Cameron.
Cameron's home somehow ended up being just off the kitchen by the back door. I passed him hundreds of times a day and would often stop and look into his tank and say something like, "Hey Crab." Sometimes when no one was within earshot, I'd tell him how ugly he was. He seemed to know that he wasn't pretty and never responded to my insults other than to crawl into his coconut hut.
My daughter went to Colorado the first summer she had Cameron and I was charged with his care during her absence. I was diligent in my duties and fed and watered him daily, cleaned his cage, cut up some fruit for him and gave him a bath at least once a week. During the month he was in my care, we became reluctant companions. I quit telling him he was ugly and he responded by crawling into his coconut hut. Cameron didn't show a lot of emotion, but I could tell he appreciated my efforts.
One day after my daughter had returned from Colorado, I heard her scream in such a manner that made me think that she had just had her colon removed via her ear. As I ran with my heart beating in fear of the grotesque condition in which I would find my disemboweled daughter when I reached her, I stopped short at Cameron's tank. There my daughter stood with tears rolling down her face. "CAMERON'S DEAD!!!!" she wailed. Sure enough, I looked into his tank and there he was, sans shell, all dried up like a little shriveled cocktail shrimp.
We proceeded with funeral plans which included the placement of a headstone onto which my husband lovingly carved out a "C" and placed at the top of Cameron's grave. We buried him beneath a blooming rose bush in our front flower bed. We all spoke kindly of Cameron and waxed poetic about his kind spirit and how patriotic he was.
Cameron's tank went intact into the garage for the time being. We didn't want to pretend like he'd never existed and that we would soon forget him.
About two weeks later I was standing in the kitchen cutting up vegetables and singing and as I heard the screaming and panting of my son and daughter as they blazed into the kitchen. I inquired as to what in the name of Beejeezes was going on and was not properly prepared for their reply.
"CAMERON'S ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!"
"WHAT THE HELL????? He is NOT!!" I said. "We buried him two weeks ago in the flower bed!!" "HE'S ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!" They squealed.
Running with knife in hand, (after all if animals were being raised from the dead, I might need some protection) I followed my kids to the front yard. And there, on the sidewalk, some fifteen feet from where we'd buried Cameron...was Cameron.
I stood there on the sidewalk as all of the hair on my arms stood at attention. I felt confused and more than a little freaked out. I asked the kids why they'd exhumed the crab. They adamantly denied any participation in his resurrection. I ran to the flower bed and looked at the gravesite. It appeared to be completely untouched. I ran back down to look at Cameron and then ran into the house and Googled "hermit crabs".
Apparently as hermit crabs grow they periodically exit their shell, shed their exoskeleton, burrow into the ground and go into a dormant like state until their new exoskeleton hardens up. They then find a shell and un-burrow and go on about their business as though they're not the freakiest creatures on the planet. By what I was reading on the website, we had evidently aided and abetted Cameron's growth spurt by burying his little dormant carcass and his shell along side each other in a Chinese takeout container a half a foot underground. When he was all nice and rejuvenated, he simply threw his shell back on and dug his freaky little ass out of the ground and hit the road.
How he made it across the lawn and onto the sidewalk without getting trampled is a little crabby miracle, but make it he did.
For weeks after Cameron's resurrection, I would slowly walk by his tank with one hand over my eyes and cautiously peer in to make sure he was still alive and intact. I also stopped going down to the kitchen after dark just in case some supernatural crab event decided to occur during the night.
Cameron eventually died of old age or boredom or whatever crabs die of. It amazed me how few of his followers turned up at his service. I suppose after you've been raised from the dead, it takes awhile for all but the true believers to realize your divinity.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Journal Entry
Today my journal entry would go something like this:
Got up and decided not to clean my house in my p.j.s for once and took a shower. Got dressed after checking out the two pounds around my waist I gained over the weekend. Put on two tank tops at an attempt to disguise the muffin top. Finished the fifth load of laundry, vacuumed the stairs and decided I truly love my Dyson but can't vacuum the stairs with it anymore. It kills my shoulder. After three hours of housework, decided to not frighten the world today and put on some eye make-up. Ate a Lean Cuisine for lunch and loaded Alex in the car to hunt down the nearest Hobby Lobby. Ate a 100 calorie bag of snack mix in the car because I'm still hungry. Damn Lean Cuisine! Nearest Hobby Lobby turns out to be new, but in the hood. Crap. I like to mix in my hour at Hobby Lobby with some other retail therapy, but the only other thing close by was Wal-Mart. I hate Wal-Mart. I avoid Wal-Mart as much as possible and resent it when I find I actually need something from there that I can't find anywhere else. Damn Sam Walton! Took the long way home and ended up at Fry's Marketplace because I needed green peppers for sweet & sour chicken tonight. Spent an hour in the store because I couldn't locate egg roll wrappers. Finally located the spot where they were supposed to be and they were all out. Complained to the check-out girl when she asked me, "Did you find everything okay today?" Uh...no. Kids came home from school as I pulled into the driveway and within five minutes my three hours of housework this morning was completely destroyed.
Where's the vodka?
Got up and decided not to clean my house in my p.j.s for once and took a shower. Got dressed after checking out the two pounds around my waist I gained over the weekend. Put on two tank tops at an attempt to disguise the muffin top. Finished the fifth load of laundry, vacuumed the stairs and decided I truly love my Dyson but can't vacuum the stairs with it anymore. It kills my shoulder. After three hours of housework, decided to not frighten the world today and put on some eye make-up. Ate a Lean Cuisine for lunch and loaded Alex in the car to hunt down the nearest Hobby Lobby. Ate a 100 calorie bag of snack mix in the car because I'm still hungry. Damn Lean Cuisine! Nearest Hobby Lobby turns out to be new, but in the hood. Crap. I like to mix in my hour at Hobby Lobby with some other retail therapy, but the only other thing close by was Wal-Mart. I hate Wal-Mart. I avoid Wal-Mart as much as possible and resent it when I find I actually need something from there that I can't find anywhere else. Damn Sam Walton! Took the long way home and ended up at Fry's Marketplace because I needed green peppers for sweet & sour chicken tonight. Spent an hour in the store because I couldn't locate egg roll wrappers. Finally located the spot where they were supposed to be and they were all out. Complained to the check-out girl when she asked me, "Did you find everything okay today?" Uh...no. Kids came home from school as I pulled into the driveway and within five minutes my three hours of housework this morning was completely destroyed.
Where's the vodka?
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