Wednesday, December 3, 2008

The End is Near

The election is over (hallelujah!) and I’m in some sort of end of the year-post election-can’t believe another year is almost over, sort of brain funk.

To top it off, it’s Christmas and well, bah humbug. If you’ve been reading my blogs for long, you know how I feel about Christmas. It makes me yearn for a vodka I.V. for about 25 straight days.

Although the economic crisis hasn’t directly affected our daily pocketbook, it certainly has affected us. Our retirement account has been slashed in half and certain things in our life have changed or been postponed indefinitely because of it. I’m bummed to say the least. We know many people who have either lost their jobs, can’t find a job, are having their homes foreclosed on, etc. Again, those of you who know me also know that I’m not about watching my fellow man suffer. I hurt for them and although I feel very fortunate that my family seems to be doing economically okay, I feel a shade of blue for those who are worse off than we are.

With each passing year, the clock seems to be ticking louder and louder and faster and faster. It’s letting me know that my youth is over and that the time for screwing off is over. My children are growing up, my hair is turning gray and certain music is beginning to sound really really loud. Damn it all to hell.

I still haven’t mastered the ability to only read one thing at once. I’m currently reading a biography of Abraham Lincoln titled With Malice Toward None and State of Denial by Bob Woodward. In between those, I’m reading the Newsweeks and Time magazines that show up in my mailbox as well as my daily hour or so of Internet news. It’s information overload. However, ask me the real difference between the Sunni’s, the Shiites, the Kurds….go ahead. I can’t tell you. My mind is a sieve. I can tell you useless information by the ass load but I can’t seem to hold on to the things I WANT to hold on to. It’s a bitch. It really is.

Okay…so there are some the reasons I’m in the dumper. Now on to some reasons I’m feeling a bit more positive.

Thanksgiving is over! I single-handedly (minus one casserole…thanks, Karie!) cooked Thanksgiving dinner for 24 people. I have two burns on my arms (that are starting to scab over nicely, thank you) to show for it. As I produced giant bowls full of potatoes, creamed corn, green beans, cranberries and giant pans full of hot rolls, visions of serving at a homeless shelter flashed through my mind. Body after body lining up to fill a plate. I think I took about five minutes to eat and then started the cleaning process. I think everyone enjoyed the meal although Eric was kind enough to say that he hated the gravy (maybe the teetotaler in him tasted the Southern Comfort in it?!) Anyway,…I consider it a success because I survived. It only took four vodka and lemonades, but I did it!

Eric’s family reunion is over! It took place the two days following Thanksgiving and it completely wore me out. The first night we were up ‘til almost 2 a.m. Cosmic Bowling, and then had to get up at 6:00 a.m. to get ready to head to a park for the second day of activities. Between the bowling on Friday and the football throwing on Saturday, I completely tweaked my bum shoulder. It was popping and snapping and aching like a son of a bitch. I ended up having to medicate for the first time in a few weeks. Anyway, I digress. The reunion is over. I think most everyone was happy except those who will never be happy about anything, so I consider it a success. Everyone is out of my house and it is clean again, so I am happy. Isn’t that the most important thing after all?!

I quizzed Eric last night. I asked him if he had ever reached a point in our relationship where he had begun to plot my death. He replied in the negative and I responded likewise. So far, the worst I’ve done is stick my tongue out a few times behind his back. This is good! In my previous life, I had the perfect murder all worked out. I was working on exactly how to get my hands on a wood chipper when I finally realized that a divorce attorney might even be a better solution to my problem. As this year comes to a close, I am feeling a deep gratitude that I had the good sense to let Eric into my life. He is my hero and I relish the thought of spending the rest of our days together. No wood chippers or divorce attorneys required, thank you.

In general, I’m just grateful to be alive and kicking. It’s been a year since my car crash and I still have little tiny internal panic attacks in the car sometimes, but overall I’m doing great. I don’t know if I’ll ever have full use of my arm…my surgeon said he hoped for 85%, but it works well enough to get most of what I need done. And sure, my hip will never run a marathon, but who in the hell wants to do that anyway?! As long as I can still bust a move to some good 80’s dance mix, I’ll be just fine.

I have tons and tons to be grateful for and I lose sight of those things sometimes. How very UNgrateful of me. The weight of the world bears down hard sometimes but I forget that that the burden is not mine to carry alone. I need to remember to let my attitude of gratitude be more evident to those around me.

Sounds like a pretty good resolution for the new year. Well, that and losing ten pounds….

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