Monday, June 8, 2009

Apparently, I DO Have a Smoking Section


Sometimes, it occurs to me that I just may be abnormal. I know, I know. You're wide-eyed and holding the sides of your head in disbelief and proclaiming, "YOU?! No freakin' way!"

Despite your passionate cries of protest, I say to you...I am. Or, maybe not. Maybe you're all as freaky as I am but not quite as shameless about splashing your oddities all over the World Wide Web for all to see.

So, here's something I've never divulged, and I must say, I'm a wee bit hesitant. (Actually, I just told Mr. Right about this two minutes ago and his response was, "What?! *laughter* "You're a freak!")
Up to this point in my blogging, you may have found a few things here and there that made you laugh and say to yourself, "Oh, yeah...I can relate." But, try this one on for size.

Often times when I'm anxious or stressed about some upcoming situation I have to deal with, I pre-create the situation in my head so that I can plan out all of the possible scenarios that may occur. In my brain's eye view, I see myself going through the actions and conversations associated with the event. As my mind is racing through all of the possible outcomes, I see Me, there in my mind, and...I'm smoking a cigarette.

I've never smoked a day in my life. Not even half a day. The thought of sucking on a tar-filled cancer stick makes me want to gag. Yet, there I am in all my daydream glory, smokin' up a storm.

What is up with that?!

(Remember that voice inside my head that was screaming at me to shut up in the DMV? I think she's taken up smoking. That is one uptight bitch.)

20 comments:

Missy said...

How funny...I visualize situations all the time as I prepare, but never me smoking. Smoking women always seem a little "tuff". Maybe it's your brain's way of boosting your confidence.

Andrea said...

I say you should just go try one cigarette, just one. That will banish your mental image of you smoking forever!

But rather since I care about you, your lungs and your breath, just keep doing whatever works for you. Visualizing yourself with a cigarette ain't so bad!

Cynthia said...

I guess you're seeing yourself in another life...the one where you were allowed to bitch and express your Betty Davis side! You are funny...I'm going to pay closer attention to my mental fantasy of myself... <3

Lee Ryan said...

I drive myself nuts that way....

Amy said...

Missy: You may be right, because in my mind's eye, I look awfully charged up and in control while I'm smoking.

Andrea: Yes, I think I'll pass on the actual cigarette smoking. I really would like the Me in my head go cold turkey, though. It rather disturbs me, having her up their smoking away!

Cynthia: You think? Maybe I used to be one of those brassy broads with a seriously sassy mouth. Right on! (I hope I had really great legs, too.)

Lee: What does the You in your head do that you don't? Oh wait. You're a man. The possibilities are endless... *grin*

Phoebe Miriah Kirby said...

Well, your oddities do make me laugh, especially this one.
I love your blog for this reason exactly. Your brutal honesty.

HA HA HA

It's so great.
You're one strange cookie, and I love it!

Amy said...

Phoebe: Why, thank you! (I think...) I'm glad you enjoy it and I'm glad you take the time to comment.

Wendy said...

I have actually done this many times. It's almost like sometimes I forget I'm a non-smoker and I've never even taken a puff on one.
However, when times are tough and the chips are falling, I imagine myself sitting in a chair outside, on a pretty patio, surrounded by a green lawn...with a cigarette in my hand.
Maybe it's because all the smokers I know seem to enjoy it so much and do it the most when they're stressed out.

Jennie................ said...

I also pre-prepare scenarios!! However in my head I am ALWAYS right and ALWAYS victorious! The smoking thing is a hoot!

Amy said...

Wendy: *cue Pussy Cat Dolls music* I wish my sister-in-law was a freak like me. Oh wait...she IS!!

Jennie: Well, now it's official that you and Mr. Right are related. He's Mr. Right. Mr. ALWAYS Right, and now you've gone and admitted your relation. It's in the DNA! *wink*

lakeviewer said...

You've got some explaining to do, Lucy!

Amy said...

Rosaria: No kidding!

Taylor said...

I've never smoked, but I have been so stressed or frustrated that I take a deep breath and think I need a cigarette. It's not appealing to me at all, not even for the cool factor, but I understand why someone feels they need a cigarette break (keyword: break).

Sometimes I see the people who work at the guitar shop next to the OD's office at which I work smoking and wish that I could stand outside for a few minutes every hour and talk with my buddies.

Glynis said...

Oh how funny, I do the same. It keeps my nerves settled. I don't see a smoking me though, I see a tall one, one with lovely long legs, ( I am 5'2"), maybe it is a confidence thing. LOL

Tessa said...

Well! What a wonderful time I've had here, sipping my espresso and catching up with your recent posts. There have been shoes to drool over, camels and laughter (and lots of 'yes, yes, I know EXACTLY what you mean' nodding), birthday sister-love (snap!), a sweet and funny and poignant family photo....and finally a crazy, loveable gal who smokes but doesn't really(and more 'yes, I know what you mean' nods!)

Amy, I just can't tell you how much I love your blog, your honesty, your courage, your zest for life, and the love and laughter that accompanies everything you write so eloquently about. Another big jet-proprelled hug from me over here on the other side of the pond. xx

Amy said...

Glynis: 5'2"?? Wow! I didn't know that sass came packaged smaller than me! Whoop!

Tessa: *sigh* I love your comments almost as much as I love your blog. You're dear and sweet and I thank you so much for your kind words.

Angela said...

DEar Amy, i wish I could say it as beautifully as Tessa, but I am right with her! (and I love YOUR comments, too! Thank you!) Nodding and grinning, and wondering about myself and my freaky habits or imaginations...never mind yours, dearie. You think you are mentally challenged because you DON`T smoke? Well, we have a workshop of mentally challenged people in the vicinity, and they all DO smoke in their lunchbreak...Who is normal anyway? Cynthia is probably right: in another life you were a heavy smoker - surely a MAN in those days, maybe a dandy actor, very gorgeous and funny - we keep our personalities, don`t we? - and sometimes you miss this life because it ended too early on stage when a jealous woman shot you... Have you ever considered hypnosis and floating yourself back? Think what you could BLOG about after that!

Reya Mellicker said...

Cool! You glamorize yourself in your visions, as if you were in the movies. That's great. You're so cool, Amy!

Mommy With a Penis said...

First of all, great pic. I can't decide if it's Joan or Faye as Joan. Probably the later. "Tear down that bitch of a bearing wall..." What a tour de force! Now the cigarettes, as you read in my last entry I've been watching Humphrey Bogart films. Boy do they make smoking sexy. There isn't a scene where lighting up, inhaling or taking the last puff doesn't take place. Perhaps you see yourself as a film actor of the forties. No wire hangers, indeed.

Amy said...

Angela: I love that you're imagining that a jealous woman shot me. HA! That's wonderful!

Reya: In my head, I'm such a glamour puss! All it takes to bring me down a few notches is a good look in the mirror. Oh, how I wish I could pull off that old movie starlet glam.

Mommy: I'm incredibly thrilled that you popped in on my blog and left a comment! I adore reading your blog and smile every time I look at that picture of your beautiful babies. (True confession: Sometimes I feel like bringing out those wire hangers!!)