Monday, August 10, 2009

Cleaning Day



It's quite possible that I have Multiple Personality Disorder. Wouldn't that just be a kick in the pants? It might go far in explaining why some days I feel like bona fide altruistic Polly Anna who can barely restrain herself from hugging strangers, and other days, feel like I want to beat the ever living crap out of every other person I meet. Crazy much?

So, Mr. Right fixed my "t" (unfortunately, that's not a filthy euphemism for anything) and, now that I have a perfectly functional "t" I have no desire to write a damn thing. I'm in a funk. A slump. A funky slump.

We've been through this before folks, so you know what's next. It's time to sweep the corners, brush out the cobwebs and shake the rugs. The old brain box is due for a cleaning. So, in no particular order, let the freak show begin.

*I wonder if beautiful people know that they're beautiful? They must, right? How can you have two fabulously sparkling rows of teeth in your face, a copious mane of perfect hair, the chiseled cheekbones of a supermodel, the lithe body of a young Greek goddess and look in the mirror without saying to yourself, "Hello there, you stunning creature?" Bless their perfect hearts, but sometimes I wish they'd all break out into horrible disfiguring rashes. Just sometimes. Now is one of those times.

*Once upon a time, I worked at a mortgage company far far away. During slow times, my young co-workers and I (They were young. I was not) used to look at the clock and count the minutes down until lunchtime. After lunch, we'd count the minutes down until the end of the day. One day, Young Co-Worker Chad, at several decibels higher than his normal speaking voice exclaimed, "OH MY GOD!" We all turned to stare at him like the lunatic we presumed he'd quite suddenly been turned into. Gently, so as not to startle him with loud noises, we asked, "What?!" He said, "Don't you see what we're doing?! We're committing suicide?!" Young Co-Worker Chad went on to expound upon his epiphany. "By wishing for time to pass more quickly than it does, we're wishing our lives away! How many days of our lives do we wish away waiting for something in the future to happen? We're slowly committing suicide!" That was ten years ago and Young Co-Worker Chad's words still ring in my ears. I think of them every time I find myself saying, "I wish it would hurry up and...." Deep, Young Co-Worker Chad. Real deep.

*I'm a horrible scientist. Repeatedly, I've attempted to conduct an experiment and repeatedly, I've failed at seeing the experiment through to its end. The experiment goes as follows: I allow Mr. Right's bathroom trash can to become completely full. I wait. As the trash begins to fall onto the floor, I pick it up and squash it all down into said trash can, thereby creating more space than was there previously. I wait. As the trash can reaches maximum capacity, debris begins once again falling to the floor. I wait. Debris begins to pile up around the overflowing trash can. Q-tips are now bouncing off the pile and landing in various locations around the trash can. Some bounce up and land on the edge of the bathtub. I wait. No I don't. I empty the trash can. I have yet to discover the exact quantity of piled up garbage lying in the floor that is required to motivate Mr. Right to actually empty the trash. I suck at science.

*As we've previously discussed, (actually I've just ranted and raved and you've ever so politely and patiently listened) reading the news makes me crazy. Lately, what's really making me crazy is the fact that there's not much news actually being reported. Our president isn't really a U.S. citizen?! Oh, my! *gasp* It's nauseating to read about these ignorant and uninformed people running around and screaming that the sky is falling. It's even more nauseating that their screams are being reported as actual news. What would be real news is this: A Republican and a Democrat would hop on an airplane and fly to France. They would meet with the French authorities in charge of that country's health care system and they would gather every shred of information available from those people and jump a flight back to the U.S. Then they would tailor a health care plan for our nation based on their findings and present a bipartisan bill to the Senate. And, what would really be news would be if our senators and congressmen and representatives...you know...our elected public servants would lay aside their greed and gluttony and quest for power long enough to pass that bill into law because it would be for the greater good of the citizens who elected them into office. Now, that would be news worth reading.

*I've put The Duchess on a waiting list for a charter school. The more I learn about these schools, the more I like them. I pulled the philosophy of our local charter school off of their website. It goes like this:
"Our philosophy is to:
*Train the intellect
*Teach skills
*Instill a sense of pride in and respect for self, others, and country
*Equip students with the necessary skills to become decision makers and problem solvers
*Prepare students for the world outside by challenging them to compete for achievement of standards in the classroom
*Develop an atmosphere of tolerance and acceptance of all students regardless of physical appearance and culture"

What?! A school that actually focuses on the intellect and on teaching children to make decisions and solve problems?! And, on top of that...a school that teaches tolerance and acceptance?! It can't be, you say! In America?! We don't value intellect, we value football! (Just look at teachers' salaries vs. NFL players' salaries) We don't value tolerance, we breed intolerance! (Just ask African Americans, women, homosexuals and a myriad of other American citizens who have had to fight for their basic civil rights) Well, that's what I said too, but I'm hearing otherwise. I adamantly refuse to put my child in a school that has a religious based philosophy and public schools are increasingly giving me cause for great concern. So, we'll sit on the list and wait. And, hope. Hope that there is still an avenue in this country that can be taken which will lead to a truly good education in an environment where intellect is valued, tolerance is expected and achievement is based on academic success and not athletic prowess.

*I just found out that my niece is baking a girl muffin. Delighted is what I am. Mr. Right's side of the family is short on girls and needs substantially more estrogen in order to achieve proper balance. Today's discovery of the gender of The Muffin has triggered my shopping gene (yes, all chicks have one) and I have the desire to leap off my chair this very second and hit the streets with wallet in hand. I shall restrain myself (somewhat) and try very much to not go overboard. I actually believe I have an Overboard Gene, so this will be a challenge. I find it completely unfair that Niece lives in Texas and I live in Arizona. *sigh* I'm hoping that as The Muffin grows, that she will look forward to the little boxes and envelopes postmarked "Arizona" that arrive in her mailbox. I hope that Niece will explain to her that, yes, Aunt Amy is a wee bit "off", but that she loves her and wishes she was able to spend time with her. And, I hope that when I do see The Muffin, that she will give me little fist bumps or flash me a tiny "peace" sign so that I will know that she knows, I'll always have her back.

Okay. Maybe this has helped. We'll see. Grumpy and Snotty have arrived home from school and my peace has been shattered and chaos abounds. I hope to be back in the game, as they say, and back to my Bloggy self again.

As always, thanks for listening. You're truly dears, you are.

19 comments:

lakeviewer said...

Well, Amy, you are right on track to solve our health care problem with your suggestion.

ellen abbott said...

1. Oh yes they know. They spent thousands of dollars on plastic surgery to know that.

2. Chad the Deep. Has a nice ring to it.

3. His bathroom? Easy solution. Don't go in there. Ever. I had a husband (note the past tense) who would not empty an ash tray. (You have to get in the way back machine for this one) Piled up into Mt. Everest and spilling onto the floor. I got rid of it by getting rid of him.

4. I'm with you on that one. I have wishes, but no hope.

5. I'm with you on that one too (are we sensing a moral deficiency here in the good ole United States of America?).

6. Yay for estrogen. I bet if Congress was 98% +/- female we would have an adequate health care system.

Amy said...

Rosaria: Now, do you think we can get anyone to listen over the screaming and yelling at the town hall meetings?!

Ellen: Line by line commenting! Thank you! That's awesome. And, on your #6, you bet your sweet patooty! This wouldn't even be up for debate.

Linda Rae said...

Amy, you just have to decide which is more important to you--the trash being emptied or your Mr Right--then behave accordingly. He does, from the earliest, have a "MCP" (never mind you're too young) streak in him, so you have to be on your guard about that, but in general, whoever cares the most takes care of the stuff.

As for deep Chad, I used to think that too. I would be wishing my life away. Then I realized it's a really childish point of view--kind of like--I was worried that I had caused the tsunami because I didn't care about the people in Indonesia. Whether or not you wish for an event to "hurry and get here" the time will pass--and if you spend it antiipating a positive event, you have spent it positively.

I think you will be happy with your decision to put the Duchess in a Charter School. My FORMER (emphasis) workplace sponsors a charter school in OKC. It was the worst performing school in the State--now it is one of the best. Miracles can be worked with mentors, money and goals.

I can hardly breathe I'm so excited to have a tiny girl at the other end of my family tree. She'll be such a welcomed little one!

The Bug said...

I totally agree about health care - it's about to make me nuts how STUPID & PARANOID people are about it! Bottom line - they could care less about the next person. It's just heartbreaking. And I'll bet they could care less because they were educated in systems that care more about football than learning. It's all tied together. What a mess!

Amy said...

Linda: If I cared more about the trash than Mr. Right, he would have been thrown out with it long ago!

The charter schools in AZ are the top ranked schools in the state. The public schools rank below all of them. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that her name comes up on the list so that The Duchess can start there next year.

As for wishing away time, I always try to catch myself doing it and then question why I'm not "in the moment." I feel that if I'm constantly looking for the next thing to happen, that I can't be paying close attention to what is actually happening "now." I think far too many people spend their time either dwelling on the past or hoping for something in the future, forgetting that reality exists in present time.


Bug: "All things are bound together, all things connect." What a tangled web we have woven, no?

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

Even the grand poobah of atheism, Christopher Hitchens, puts his daughter in a religious-based school because the schools in D.C. apparently are atrocious.

I like Chad's thinking...

Found you through Eloh's blog...will be back to catch up. We differ philosophically but you have a mighty fine way with words.

Kariee said...

We will begin working on teaching the fist bump and the peace sign to B as soon as possible.

Amy said...

HH...S: Yes, I suppose Mr. Hitchens had to decide between the lesser of two evils. *grin*

Differing philosophies are what makes the world keep spinning 'round. (So long as those differences don't lead us to shooting each other and blowing each other up.) I enjoy and appreciate the conversations that happen around the table so long as they are conducted with respect.

Thanks a ton for stopping in and for taking the time to leave a comment!

Amy said...

Karie: She'll look so sweet doing it while wearing the little hemp sandals I'll be sending her. *wink*

Reya Mellicker said...

I always say that everyone is bi-polar, everyone! What you are is so damn funny!!

Amy said...

Reya: Whew! I'm glad I'm not the only one. As always, thanks for the love.

Fragrant Liar said...

Ha! And you said you didn't have anything to write about, now that you had your new "t".

GREAT list! People are paranoid, and I'm tired of seeing them rant and rave about crap that some other lunatic with a microphone is happy to spread.

BTW, thanks for saying hello to Mr. Fine. I was terrified after I told him about my blog, thinking he would discover I am nuts. I think I still have him fooled though.

Fragrant Liar said...

Oh, and I love what your mortgage co-worker said. Good to remember, cuz he's right!

@eloh said...

You should have seen the screaming going on a couple days ago in the Great Hall of Congress....Mr. R put a rider on a bill that mandated all government employees (them included) would be forced to partake of the new health care plan...whatever it turns out to be..."ALL" the Mr. L's , lead by their leader (speaker of the house) made a ceremony of ripping off the last page, wadding it up and throwing it to the floor.
They will all be keeping their fat cat insurance....not so much for the rest of us.

By the way, I'm old, I've seen this crap before, it would not matter who had control of the House..either side would have done the same thing.

Angie said...

I'm way behind on catching up with your blog (sorry, I plead illness on that one) - but I'm so glad I finally got around to checking in because I think this just might be my favorite entry of yours so far.

Good luck with your daughter and the charter school.

And by the way, I continue to get new readers all the time who have found me through your site. So thank you for mentioning my blog.

Inga K said...

Very well put, as always.

Amy said...

@eloh: Not much has changed in politics since the dawn of politics. And, for those who don't believe it's so, they need only to pick up a biography of Lincoln. Sadly, it's always been about power and greed and now that so much money is at stake, it's about that too. All that being said, I still have hope.

Angie: I noticed that you've been picking up readers like crazy! Congratulations. I hope you're feeling better very soon. Kind of makes you think you're having to pay some kind of pennance for going on vacation, doesn't it?!

Inga: Thank you, Madame!

Penney said...

I have tried such science experiments on multiple occassions...my best guess is that the trash would fill the bathtub/no dishes would be left in th cupboards/mail would cover the entire bottom stair before they'd actually do something about it...they just really don't care! (And I'm fairly certain they'd actually be happier if they never DID have to put the toilet paper roll on the rolly-thingy or mow the lawn or put away the kids' toys...)