Monday, August 24, 2009

I'm Not Old...Just Older

Sunday is the 30th day of August, which means that forty-one years ago on that date, an incredibly adorable and deliciously sweet chunk of a baby girl came howling into existence on this 3rd rock from the Sun. This is a picture of that little girl a few months after she'd unpacked her rattle and booties and settled in and adjusted to her new surroundings a bit.
This is that girl today at 41.

I use the word "girl" because it's still very much the way I feel. Not that I don't experience moments when I feel womanly, because I most certainly do. I know that I'm an adult and for the most part, behave as such. But, the vision of Me that I hold in my mind's eye is one of a girl. I am still the girl who sometimes laughs too loudly and occasionally snorts when trying to stifle it. I am still the girl who dances with abandon (while sucking in my womanly tummy) and who still seems to be able to "shake it all night long."

Aging isn't scary to me. Growing old is.

Yes, I notice some subtle signs that I am older, but they don't make me feel old. If anything has contributed to the feeling of being a bit broken down in the past couple of years, it's the fact that I was actually broken in a few places after my accident. But, I know the popping in my hip that sounds like a ratchet is due to it having been fractured, and I know that my arm and shoulder sound like a bowl of Rice Krispies freshly doused with milk because it has been shattered and mended and re-mended. Yes, I use deep wrinkle cream between my eyes and across my forehead with the hope that it will somehow magically diminsh the lines that have appeared there, but I also don't regret those lines.

Forty-one feels like a favorite pair of broken-in Levis on a crisp autumn morning. In these jeans I am comfortable and confident, and although sometimes I think maybe I'd like to have a new pair, I know that those new jeans could never compare to my good old broken-in pair . In them I still feel sexy and cool, not insecure and fearful like the girl who used to wear them when they were new. I've been wearing these old jeans for awhile now, and I like who I've become in them.

I know that my skin will age and that the wrinkles will deepen and that the snaps, crackles and pops will increase until I sound like a one-woman band, but that's okay. It's not going to keep me from laughing and dancing and acting a bit too young for my age for as long as I possibly can. Because in the words of the great Jon Bon Jovi, "It's my life and it's now or never, 'cause I ain't gonna live forever."

Right on, Jon. Right on.


Maithri said...

I love your vibrant attitude to life my friend...

Have a fantastic birthday!

Heres to growing wild and strong,

My love to you Birthday Girl, Maithri

steven said...

well yeah amy - rock on!! age is just a number there's no number on your spirit!!!! have a great party!!! steven

Aunt Juicebox said...

Found you through eloh, will definitely be back, when my life stops crapping on me and I have time to read. Beautiful post.

Angie said...

Happy early Birthday. Great post.

I remember when I was a child I was always terrified of getting older because all of the adults in my family acted like they were two steps away from death, even when they weren't all that old. But now I'm starting to see that it was clearly just an issue of having an old attitude.

lakeviewer said...

Happy Birthday, Amy, and rock on. You'll be always as young as you feel.

The Bug said...

Wow - you look great! I really like the dress.

Happy early birthday! I'm forging a path a few years ahead of you...

ellen abbott said...

Oh Amy, you are on the brink of a powerful decade. Grown up, experienced, confident. Go out there and kick ass baby!

I've always felt that men gain their power early and fade, women grow into theirs. 50's are also good. Next year I get to start a whole new decade.

Happy birth day.

Angela said...

What a pretty girl you are, Amy! And I mean girl, because that is what we always remain, with only a few year-rings as addition. If I at my age can still skip and sing and do silly things at the beach, then why should you be kept from them? I wish you a wonderful birthday and a grand new year with many pleasant unexpected surprises!

Her Majesty, the Queen said...

Amy, I hope your birthday is awesome. Have a great time and remember there are lots of people out there (and in your family) that love you!

Inga K said...

You'll always be young in my eyes.

Aunt T said...

You will forever be young at heart. That is what keeps us young. Everything you said it so true and you said it so damn well. You were a gorgeous baby and you are a gorgeous woman! Have a Happy Birthday!

Amy said...

Maithri: You're just too kind and sweet. Thank you for the birthday wishes and for continuing to shine light into my world. Love to you.

Steven: I agree! I'm gonna keep on rockin' as long as my bones will hold me up!

Aunt J: Thanks for stopping by the blog and for leaving a comment. I sincerely hope that Life sees fit to discontinue using you as its toilet in the ever so near future. I'd love to see you around again.

Angie: Thanks! It IS so much about attitude. I know people in their 40's who look and act like they're ready to pick out their headstone. I don't get it. I also don't get why it's drilled into our heads forever to, "Act your age!" Whatever in the world for?!

Rosaria: Right on, and, ditto!!

Bug: Thanks so much! The Land of Blog is so cool, because we can forge together!

Ellen: Thank you, thank you! Kickin' ass is just what I plan to do. I may only have one good leg, but it still has plenty of chutzpah! The birthday wishes are so very appreciated.

Angela: Oh, you absolutely lovely lady, you. Thank you so much. You're actually quite a bit of my inspiration for being forever young. XO

Christy: Thanks!

Inga: Is that because I'll always be younger than you?! (Just a little sisterly joke there...take it easy!) Thank you. I hope we have lots of years ahead of us to grow young together.

Aunt T: (Yes...I know your name but don't know whether you want me to use it. I haven't thought to ask!) Thank you SO much for the compliment and for the birthday wishes. You're just too kind.

~JarieLyn~ said...

Here's to an awesome birthday on Sunday. I too, still think of myself as a girl. In fact, I just brought that up to my husband yesterday. It's funny. I still remember my early 20's like it was yesterday. My memory is sharp as a tack and I can recall memories from as early as two years old.

Keep on dancing and keep on transforming! My b-day is coming up too. Yay, Virgos!

Andrea said...

Right on is right! And, happy birthday. My 40's were my best years ever - enjoy them!

Amy said...

Jarie Lyn: Virgos are just plain groovy aren't they? (Except that little part about being OCD...)

Andrea: So good to hear from you! Thanks so much for dropping in and for the good wishes.