Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Belle of the Ballroom

Many years ago in a lifetime far far away, I was employed as an apartment manager for an apartment building directly next to campus at Oklahoma State University. Every year during the summer before school was to resume, the university held what was called a Renter's Fair. At this event, apartment complexes from all over town gathered and set up booths in the Student Union Ballroom for the purpose of distributing brochures and information about their respective rentals, to incoming students. An Apartmentpalooza of sorts.

The management company by which I was employed selected three apartment managers from the staff to represent their various buildings for rent. Being one of the three selected, I gussied myself up for the event in nylons, a long navy blue skirt, white & navy blue blouse and sassy navy pumps. I was looking mighty fine, I was.

I arrived at the Student Union Ballroom which now contained a hundred or so tables around its perimeter, and found my spot. Next to me at our table was a tall pretty girl named Shannon who I'd met before but didn't know well, and who managed a premier property that our company managed. We chatted throughout they day as we handed out information to hundreds upon hundreds of students.

About half-way through the day, I decided that a trip to the ladies room was in order and walked down the long corridor where it was located. Having properly taken care of business, I checked my hair in the mirror, applied some lip gloss, and decided to go back to the ballroom to retrieve my hairbrush so that I could touch up my coif.

So, back down that long corridor to the ballroom I went, passing students and smiling all the way.

I arrived at my table in the ballroom and turned by back to the center of the room and leaned over in order to access my purse where my brush was contained. From my left, I heard Shannon quietly say, "Amy..." I was quite intent on digging through my bag when I heard her say more loudly, "Amy!" A bit agitated now because I was having difficulty locating my hairbrush, I looked over and furrowed my brow and said, "What?!" She paused for a moment and then said, "Nothing."

It was at that moment, I felt the breeze. It was also at that very moment, I heard the giggling. As I raised myself to an upright position, I became acutely aware of the reason for the breeze...and the giggling.

The entire back of my skirt was tucked into the top of my pantyhose.

Yes, Friends. I had navigated the entire corridor of the O.S.U. Student Union Ballroom with my skirt gathered up into my knickers and then unknowingly pushed the limits of public decency by turning my derriere to the center of the room and leaning over at the waist so that my full moon could not help be viewed by the entirety of students gathered there and possibly even some sharp eyed astronauts that might have been happening by in their little shuttle.

I was, of course, completely mortified and looking to place blame for this shameful behavior on anyone but myself. In my most quiet scream, I inquired of Shannon, "Why didn't you tell me?! She looked right back and said, "I tried, but you were being bitchy so I thought I'd let you figure it out for yourself."

Well, alright then.

The worst part of this humiliating fiasco was that our company required us to go back to our apartments after the fair so that we would be available to speak with and hopefully rent to, all of the students who had gathered information and were interested in our apartments. I rushed home and changed clothes hoping that I might be unrecognizable to anyone who had witnessed the rising of the full moon earlier in the day.

Alas, 'twas not so.

I responded to many inquiries that day, some about the apartments I had for rent, but all of which began with, "Hey....were you the lady at the Student Union who flashed the ballroom?!"

Footnote: Shannon and I became best friends and remained so. To this day, she is still the person in my life who will tell me like it is and respond honestly when I ask, "Does my ass look fat in these pants?" I love that bitch.


Lee Ryan said...

HA!!! We need people like that in our lives! :-)

Phoebe Miriah Kirby said...

How would we entertain guests at parties or sporting events without good ol' "skirt stuck in the underwear," stories?
I think this is a wonderful blog, probably because it didn't happen to me. :)

Amy said...

Lee: Yes, we do need people like that! And apparently we also need to do a 360 in the mirror before possibly subjecting the general public to our backsides.

Phoebe: This happened about fifteen years ago and I was completely humiliated by it at the time and didn't tell the story for ages. Now that I'm a big girl, I laugh like a mad woman at my own idiocy.(And I've stopped wearing pantyhose...)

lakeviewer said...

Ah, memories. Things we wish we could erase, and things we wish we had hung on. You survived, and lived to tell. One day, you'll see that scene in a movie, and wonder how the writers knew about that?

Andrea said...

Bet you rented the most apartments!

Bee and Rose said...

Now that is a fantastic way to market apartments! (especially to college kids!) lol! Great post! And Hooray for loyal and honest friends!

Cubil said...

That type wardrobe malfunction happens mostly to women, but I had my own several years ago; wore some running shorts to the neighborhood pool, not thinking about it jumped in. Started getting weird looks after I got out. Finally looked down. Seems the shorts disappear when wet. Johnson and the twins were on display.

Amy said...

Rosaria: I've been thinking about who I want to play me in the movie!

Andrea & Bee: You're actually quite right! So many people got a kick out of it and liked that I was able to maintain my humor (at least externally) about myself, that I honestly believe I rented a few apartments because of it!

Cubil: Oooohhh...yep. I think I've seen you and the boys at the pool a couple of times.

Reya Mellicker said...

OMG! Back in the days of garter belts and stockings, one time at the bus stop one of my stockings suddenly just fell to the ground. That was embarrassing but nothing like your story!

Yes we DO need friends to help us keep our butts properly covered. Isn't that what "I've got your back" is all about?

@eloh said...

Sixth grade, I was fat, really fat and had just transferred to a new school.

Myself and another girl were to go to the library and bring back ten chairs from the library and line them up against the front of the classroom. My first trip out of the room I snuck in a quick rest room break.

No one told me, all the kids laughing but by the time the teacher looked up I guess I had turned around and gone for more chairs.

It was awful. Late '50's just granny panties and bobby socks.

Amy said...

@eloh: OUCH. Now that will cause a lifetime of flashbacks!

ric said...