Monday, March 23, 2009

The Audacity! And...Hopelessness.

Last night I stayed up late catching up on my reading and then decided to do a little blogging. Since we returned from California on Friday, Mr. Right has been in bed. His joints ache, his chest is congested, he feels like he has a fever (but doesn't), etc. You know, all of the things I feel when I'm sick but also don't prevent me from taking care of a toddler, doing laundry and cleaning the house.

Anyway, Mr. Right spend all day in bed on Saturday. ALL day. He emerged a couple of times for food (cookies) and drinks. Repeat on Sunday. To my knowledge, he never felt miserable enough to turn the television off and just rest. The t.v. was on in our room from sun-up to sun-down.

So, last night around 11:00 p.m. Mr. Right finally turned off the television. I was sitting on my side of the bed with the computer on my lap and my bedside lamp on. As I typed, he began to snore. That hideous growling snore he does that has a little gargling sound mixed in that makes it sound like a bear about to drown. He would stop this every couple of minutes and cough. Then he would toss and turn, bouncing me around on the bed until he came to a stop. Snore, cough, bounce. Snore, cough, bounce.

Normally, I would just get up and move to my daughter's bed, but since I was awake anyway I thought I'd just continue my typing and wait for Mr. Right to finally wear himself out and give me that little window of time I'm sometimes afforded. It's that space where the snoring and tossing and turning settle down for just enough time for me to close my eyes and click my heels and hurl myself into sleep before he starts up again.

The window never came. It was just snore, cough, bounce. At 1:00 a.m. he rolled over and said, "How long until you wrap it up?"

I didn't say a word. I just shut the computer down, turned out the light and settled in. Within one minute, the snoring, coughing and bouncing began again. This is where I started yelling at him. In my head.

"How DARE you?! How dare you have the audacity to behave as though I'm the one keeping YOU awake?! I don't EVER get to sleep without interruption and disruption! I'm the one who wakes up when The Duchess comes into our room and needs put back to bed! I'm the one who lays in bed listening to the bear beside me rumble and roar! I'm the one who is so tired in the morning when your alarm goes off that I can barely move and who is relieved when you leave for work so that I can finally get a couple hours of sleep! I'm the one who gets hassled by you for sleeping in late and teased about being a "lady of leisure" when the fact of the matter is, that I hate sleeping in and feeling like half my day has been wasted! I'm the one who has eaten nothing but vegetables for the past three days and still woke up this morning two pounds heavier and with puffy bags under my eyes! So, how ( DARE YOU ask me when I'm going to "wrap it up!!"

Boy, did I give it to him good.

It's hopeless. We've talked, several times, about the effects his snoring has on me. We've also discussed the effects it must have on him. I've discussed it with our family doctor. What it comes down to is that Mr. Right needs to make some changes. He needs to change his schedule, his eating habits and his activities. Mr. Right doesn't show any indicators that he's willing to change these things to improve his health or mine.

I can only change what I can change, so I need to work on what I can do to improve things for myself. (I'm really kicking myself for not splurging on that fifth bedroom now!)



SJT said...

I have the same problem with the tossing and snoring. Thank god, is all I have to say for the Tempurpedic bed. And the snoring? I just elbow and say, "you're snoring!" Works everytime.

Amy said...

I made Mr. Right promise that his bonus this year will be spent on a Tempurpedic. I'm glad you recommend it! I do him to tell him he's snoring and it stops him temporarily. The problem is the repeated interruptions! They result in a nasty concotion of exhaustion, anger and resentment!

lakeviewer said...

My goodness, you do need some good rest. Don't you wish we could have arbritators for these family affairs?

Andrea said...

Sounds like our house. The snoring is horrendous but if I make one little turn in the bed, he wakes up saying "what? what's wrong?" The only thing that works for me is to be the one to get to sleep first and then I may get a few good hours in. Hope he's feeling better you can get your rest!

Amy said...


How do we do it?! Can you imagine if we women were the ones keeping the men awake at nights? The domestic violence statistics would most likely be off the charts. I must admit, my "gentle" nudges aren't as gentle as they were eight years ago!

Wendy said...

One word: CPAP.
It's actually an acronym. Send him to have a sleep study.

Linda Rae said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Linda Rae said...

First of all, haul his ass to an ENT to ensure the structure of the sinuses and passages is good.

Second, make him an appointment and MAKE SURE HE GOES to a sleep center--has a sleep study and gets the machine.

Don't let him or Hunky Bob tell you that they can't sleep with it. You can't sleep without it.

Do it!

Angie said...

My Dad is the same way. He's supposed to have surgery to improve his sleep apneia - and make some lifestyle changes - but he absolutely refuses. We're dangerously close to staging an intervention.

Angela said...

Only solution, if he doesn`t give in, sounds like an extra room for you! And I mean it. If he doesn`t follow all the friendly advices you have been giving him, the doctor, and everybody else, then he must pay for a bigger house/apartment with an extra room for you to sleep in. You are so right - if it were the other way around, things would be long ago solved!!

Reya Mellicker said...

Sometimes I feel lonely because I'm single, but then I read a post like this, I remember having to sleep with earplugs the whole time I was married (my ex was a champion snorer) and suddenly I am full of gratitude that it's just me and the dog in my room at night.

Sweet dreams tonight, I hope!

Amy said...

Thanks for the support, Ladies! I have thought of all of these things, but it helps to have reinforcments!!

Reya Mellicker said...

Amy if you ever do come to DC, please let me know, OK? I would LOVE to take a walk with you, show you some of my favorite places in this magical city.

Just file that idea, OK??

Amy said...


Filed. And, thank you. Don't be surprised if I knock on your door some day.


Angela said...

And on mine!

Amy said...

Of course, Angela! And, thank you, too!

Tony said...

Amy, love your blog. Just found it off of one of my friends blogs.

I did the same thing to my wife. I went to have a sleep study and went on a CPAP machine. It has been the best thing that has ever happened, next to Lasik.

I have been able to sleep full nights, not disturb my wife (who snores too). One of the benefits of the CPAP is that I can go under covers and block out the TV, light, everything and still breath. It like going cover diving - OK, there is another story for that something. I love my CPAP machine and can't hardly sleep without it.

Amy said...

Tony -

Thanks for stopping by my blog! Many many thanks.

Yes, this machine of which you speak has been mentioned in our home. Mentioned and then never spoken of again.

I think Mr. Right has a death wish for me. Of course his plan to do me in will be a long slow process. After all, he needs food and clean underwear.