Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Mature Woman's Guide to Fantasy

Is it wrong that my fantasies don't involve gorgeous celebrity movie stars or even averagy-type real life men and instead involve the guy who invented the Dyson vacuum cleaner? I mean, there's a guy who really knows what a woman want and delivers!

You have to think that this guy is a real catch, right? He's a successful inventor of the world's greatest vacuum cleaner, he's real-guy cute and he has that adorable little accent that makes it impossible to understand every third word he says, but also makes me not give a damn.

A practically filterless vacuum with its only filters needing to be rinsed twice a year or so. It's light enough for a 5'4" lightweight to haul up and down the stairs and has every possible attachment necessary for keeping my home dirt and dust free. And, it's purple. *sigh*

I have a love thing for Mr. Dyson.

I also have the hots for Mike Rowe, the guy from the Discovery channel's show, Dirty Jobs. Not only is Mike kind of nerd hot and goofy, but he's perfectly willing to stick his bare hand in anything you put in front of him. This makes me believe that he would actually be game for cleaning my kids' bathroom.

I could really love a guy who would do that for me.

I don't think Mr. Right is even aware that the kids have a bathroom and I'm pretty sure he thinks that the other two bathrooms in the house get clean by way of a magic spell.

Mike, brace yourself. You're on The List.

You know what The List is, right? We all have one whether we admit it or not. You do...come on!!

The List contains the names of men that we would have a wild fling with if there were no possible repercussions of having to deal with our own guilty conscience or the possibility of being drop kicked to the curb by our spouse.

A long time ago my list included names like Tom Cruise, (This was before I knew he was a total whack job.) Andrew McCarthy (You know...the preppie lust interest of Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink?) and Andrew Ridgeley (the OTHER guy in the pop 80's group Wham!). I know...I know!
My list has definitely been through some changes over the years. The names have changed from pretty boys to swoon over in the hope that if they ever did meet me, they would find me irresistibly charming and witty, to men who will invent helpful household appliances and stick their hands in my toilets.

Jon Bon Jovi used to be on my list, but as I've *ahem* matured, he's been replaced by his bass player, Richie Sambora. Sure, Richie could lose a few pounds and get a tan, but he just seems much more interesting to me now. I saw Bon Jovi in concert a couple of years ago and found myself standing on my chair screaming at the top of my lungs, "I LOVE YOU, RICHIE!!!!" That must have been pretty. Anyway, Richie looks much more prone to getting his hands dirty and not being afraid to mess up his hair while helping clean out from under the beds.

Okay. I lied. There is a celebrity who has been on The List for a couple of years now and I'm not taking him off. It's Pierce Brosnan. Seeing as how he has like, a dozen kids, I'm pretty sure I could get him to help me move the refrigerator to clean behind it.

If not, he'll still be awfully nice to look at while I'm seductively vacuuming the house with my Dyson.


Jennie................ said...

I vote for Dyson too - I have the Dyson Animal and its the most wonderfully efficient machine in my house! The job it does on the husky hair is a pure miracle!!! He is my hero for making a vacuum that can stand up the husky hair year after year!!

Reya Mellicker said...

Blogger ate my fabulous comment about secret celebrity love matches. I had a LONG list of mine.


Crushes are good, why not?

Amy said...
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Fragrant Liar said...

Can't read your comments on the page??

So Pierce is at the top of my list. I even plopped his picture on my blogsite a couple days ago for just that reason. He is so FINE!

I do kind of like that Dyson guy too. I like the angular look of his face, and then Mike Rowe? Oh yeah, baby. Get in my dirty chimney and clean it out, PLEASE!!


Andrea said...

I love Mike Rowe! He used to do a local real estate show here every Sunday morning. I watched just to see him - forget the beautiful new houses he was showing off!

lakeviewer said...

Amy, you're on the right track to fulfill that fantasy. Remember that whatever The Man has in abundance, he will lack in the opposite qualities. Mother nature loves to tease, surprise and teach us not to be so greedy.

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