Monday, February 23, 2009

Mob Mom

I'm beginning to think that my children aren't who they claim to be. I think they're members of the Capone family who turned state's evidence and entered the Witness Protection Program. They used my uterus as a clever hideout until it was safe to come out and now they live out their lives in this quiet little piece of Suburbia, strong arming their innocent "parents."

Sunday, Eric was preparing to wash his work car in the driveway and was gathering all of the equipment. The thirteen year old gang member, Fem Skinny A, inquired of him what he was doing. When he said, "Washing my car. Wanna help?" she narrowed her eyes and said, "For five dollars."

What?! I remember jumping at the chance to help one of my sisters wash their car in the front yard. It meant the opportunity to get wet and soapy and messy and that was reward alone!

The other gangster that lives in my house, Big Bubba B has mastered the skill of Will You Pay Half? He's also very skilled at, I Forgot My Wallet Can I Pay You Later? and, It's Only... (fill in amount here). He's so adept at these that he barely blinks an eye when he tries to pull one off.

Fem Skinny A has also really begun the strong arm tactics. When we ask her to babysit her four year old sister, she presses us with "How much you gonna pay me?" Or, "I may be available, I may not."


I grew up in a family with five sisters and we NEVER got paid for babysitting. When my sister had kids, I babysat for them and it was a given that it would be pro bono. Now this little gangster thinks that allowing her sister to cut her own hair and destroy the house while we're gone deserves twenty bucks!

I'm not absolutely sure about the Capone connection here, but just to be safe, I've put in a call to Geraldo Rivera.


markdw said...

When I was a kid, I was convinced that Geraldo Rivera and John Stossel were the same person.

Amy said...

Yeah. It took me awhile to figure that one out too. Creepy.

Wendy said...

This cracked me up!
I am pretty sure I never got paid for jack when I was a kid, until I started working for people to whom I was unrelated.
Washing cars is fun.

Angela said...

Hahaha, hilarious!
Yes, we have nothing to do with our own kids. How can they be so embarrassing to us? We were never like that. It must have been in the genes of the in-laws...chuckle. Just see the good side in this: Later, when they are grown, they will always have money YOU can borrow from! (still giggling)

Amy said...

Wendy - You're correct. Washing cars IS fun and our parents were lousy bosses. Lots of work and no pay.

Angela - See? You understand! These children cannot possibly be mine! And yes, your last comment is why I'm always on them about their they can someday get good jobs and support their old mother.